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Writing Samples /
Band 4

Problems with environmental pollution have become so serious that many countries are trying to solve these problems. Suggest possible solutions and give your own opinion. Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

#pollution #countries
Over the past century,
human
Add an article
the human
show examples
 desire to live a comfortable life has led to
technology
Replace the word
technological
show examples
 development,
subsequently
 causing environmental problems. At the moment, almost every part of the world is heavily contaminated
thus
 putting enormous effort into trying to deal with these problems.
This
 paper will attempt to examine the problems that threaten the world and identify the possible ways of dealing with them. Humans pollute the environment through the air,
water
 and land. Yet, the most disturbing form of
these
Correct pronoun usage
this
show examples
 is
water
pollution
.
This
 type of
pollution
 is largely caused by
dumping
Add an article
the dumping
show examples
 of industrial and domestic
waste
 on the ocean floor.
This
 is having a major impact on
marine
Correct article usage
the marine
show examples
 environment causing
high
Add an article
a high
the high
show examples
 rate of death among
marine
 animals
along with
 irreversible changes
of
Change preposition
in
show examples
 the
ph-level
Correct your spelling
pH level
show examples
.
As a result
, 100. 000 of
marine
 animals die of
this
 contamination. Another contributing factor
of
Change preposition
to
show examples
water
pollution
 is the leaking of
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
sewage
waters
Fix the agreement mistake
water
show examples
to
Change preposition
into
show examples
 almost every body of
water
. It happens
due to
lack
Correct article usage
a lack
show examples
 of proper
waste
 management and
low
Correct article usage
a low
show examples
 level of understanding
what
Change preposition
of what
show examples
 it may cause in the future. The most disturbing effect is the chemical change in
water
 which leads to the reduction of
fresh
Correct your spelling
freshwater
show examples
water
 resources all over the world and to spread of bacteria which affects to fish population. One of the most terrible
way
Change to a plural noun
ways
show examples
 of
water
pollution
 is the spillage of
oil
 during its
transportation
.
This
 occurs
due to
violation
Correct article usage
a violation
show examples
 of
transportation
 regulations. The
oil
 covers the surface of
water
Add an article
the water
show examples
,
it
Correct pronoun usage
which
show examples
 leads to
lack
Correct article usage
a lack
show examples
 of oxygen and sunlight above
this
 cover.
Additionally
,
this
 cover prevents fish from surfacing, even when creatures
would
Verb problem
apply
show examples
try, their lungs will be full of
oil
, which
cause
Correct subject-verb agreement
causes
show examples
 death. The worst case in Kazakhstan happened
in
Change the preposition
at
show examples
 the beginning of
2000s
Correct article usage
the 2000s
show examples
 when
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
 boat was transporting a huge amount of
oil
 through the Caspian Sea and the
oil
spilled
Change the spelling
spilt
show examples
to
Change preposition
apply
show examples
a hundred kilometres on the surface and
cause
Wrong verb form
caused
show examples
 the death of about 2000
marine
 creatures. Even if the problem looks severe and unchangeable, there are many ways to deal with it.
Firstly
, in every country government should pass strict laws about dumping of industrial and domestic
waste
, the high taxes should be paid by offenders, and
as a result
, companies will find another
way
 to get rid
from
Change preposition
of
show examples
 the
waste
.
Secondly
,
installation
Correct article usage
the installation
show examples
 of filters for sewage
water
 can be one of the solutions. It will filter the
water
 from the toxic elements and
this
water
 may be used for industrial purposes. These filters will help to create a new source of
water
 and prevent
pollution
 of
water
 bodies.
Thirdly
, to stop
water
pollution
 another
way
 of
oil
transportation
 should be used.
Oil
 may be transported by boats and by using pipeline
way
 of
transportation
, which may be constructed away from the
water
 and
helps
Correct subject-verb agreement
help
show examples
 to prevent
oil
 spillage. In 2001
Change preposition
apply
show examples
in
Change preposition
apply
show examples
Kazakhstan
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
was
Verb problem
apply
show examples
build Caspian Pipeline which connects the Kashagan deposit and the Russian terminal.
This
 technology lowered the effect on the environment and the risk of
oil
 spillage. Nowadays
water
pollution
 affects
to
Change preposition
apply
show examples
almost all creatures on the Earth, but
this
 problem can be solved through confident actions by companies and the government
towards
Change preposition
apply
show examples
.
Submitted by dasha.20032854 on

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supported main points
Support your main points by consistently developing your ideas in each paragraph with explanations and examples.
complete response
Address the task by responding to all parts of the prompt thoroughly, including suggesting possible solutions and giving your own opinion.
clear comprehensive ideas
Clarify and elaborate on your ideas to make them comprehensive, avoiding any ambiguous statements.
relevant specific examples
Incorporate more specific and personal examples from your experience or knowledge to strengthen your arguments and make them more relevant.

Fully explain your ideas

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For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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