IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

User Some people think the manufacturers and shopping malls should sell fewer packaged products while others argue that people have the responsibility to buy products with less packaging. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

#user #people #manufacturers #malls #products #responsibility
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Some people believe that shopping centres and producers should limit packaged
products
Use synonyms
.
Hence
Linking Words
, some individuals think that people have to take responsibility
to choose
Change preposition
for choosing
show examples
products
Use synonyms
 with a small
amount
Use synonyms
 of packaging.
However
Linking Words
,
as
Change preposition
in
show examples
 my opinion
is
Unnecessary verb
apply
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considered
i
Change the capitalization
I
show examples
 think manufacturers must take
responsibilities
Fix the agreement mistake
responsibility
show examples
to make
Change preposition
for making
show examples
 their
products
Use synonyms
 with less harm to pollute the environment. Each business and supermarkets need to pay attention towards making
products
Use synonyms
 with less packaging. At the beginning
to make
Change preposition
of making
show examples
products
Use synonyms
 there is a significant need to
make
Verb problem
apply
show examples
priorities
Replace the word
prioritise
show examples
on
Change preposition
apply
show examples
unpolluted, ecological, comfortable and easy packaging, which will provide less pollution to habitat. Adding
limited
Correct article usage
a limited
show examples
amount
Use synonyms
 and additional cost of packaging and shopping bags will provide decreasing in packet
using
Replace the word
use
show examples
.
Also
Linking Words
, shopping malls should provide more information about how unutilised packing pollutes the environment.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, people need to be educated and think about pollution that may appear after a lot of shopping. Individuals could
use
Use synonyms
 their backpacks or shoppers to limit using packaging.
In addition
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, individuals should know more information about the utilising process. In my point of view, more responsibilities need to have distributors and shopping malls. Because of the
amount
Use synonyms
 of packaging used
while
Linking Words
 making
products
Use synonyms
 processes.
In
Change the preposition
At
show examples
 the beginning of
packaging
Correct article usage
the packaging
show examples
 process producers could design it to
use
Use synonyms
 less packaging.
To sum up
Linking Words
, manufacturers, shopping malls and individual customers need to think
how
Change preposition
about how
show examples
 to
use
Use synonyms
 packing less.
However
Linking Words
, producers have a bit more responsibilities and could make rules, add costs and provide information to reduce a big
amount
Use synonyms
 of package
use
Use synonyms
.
Submitted by aiya.galikyzy on

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coherence cohesion
Consider clearly delineating each view in separate paragraphs and ensure there is a distinct introduction and conclusion. Use topic sentences effectively to introduce main points.
coherence cohesion
Support each main point with specific examples and details that are directly relevant to the topic.
task achievement
Fully address all parts of the task, ensuring that both views are discussed equally, and your own opinion is clear throughout the essay before a final summary in the conclusion.
task achievement
Ensure your ideas are expressed clearly and explored in depth, bringing in a range of ideas and perspectives relevant to the topic.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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