IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

Some people believe that it is best to accept a bad situation, such as an unsatisfactory job or shortage of money. Others argue that it is better to try and improve such situations. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

#people #situation #job #shortage #money #situations
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In the contemporary world, the debate of whether mature individuals should accept their dismal conditions,
such
Linking Words
 as an unpleasant job or shortage of money, or whether it is better to try to deal with
such
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 situations and to enhance current conditions has aroused in
people
Use synonyms
's discussion.
Nevertheless
Linking Words
,
this
Linking Words
 essay agrees with the latter statement and will present both views. Admittedly, some
people
Use synonyms
 might argue that tolerating difficult circumstances
instead
Linking Words
 of making changes is the best decision in certain cases.
For example
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, making
such
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 decisions as quitting a job
need
Wrong verb form
needs
show examples
 long considerate planning with a safety net in an unfortunate discourse of the way. So, a lot of
people
Use synonyms
 make
such
Linking Words
 a choice recklessly, which results in the consequent problems that might arise.
Moreover
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, the present state of the world should be considered, as if now
people
Use synonyms
 suffer from constant unemployment, where staying in your current position will be the best option.
Nevertheless
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,
this
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 could be avoided under conspicuous planning and the firm arrangement of employment with other companies.
On the other hand
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, despite
possible
Correct article usage
the possible
show examples
 hardships presented above, the attempt to improve is the best idea in most cases
due to
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 the benefits that will come in the long term.
For example
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, a lot of employees are dissatisfied with their paltry pay and complain about their poor conditions in the workplace.
As a result
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, most employees quit to find new opportunities with fair pay,
although
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 they might face problems in the short term,
but
Remove the conjunction
apply
show examples
in the long term, its advantages will far outweigh any possible
disadvantage
Fix the agreement mistake
disadvantages
show examples
.
To conclude
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, despite valid arguments for the acceptance side, attempts to improve bad situations would be beneficial eventually.
Submitted by dnm.best on

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Task Achievement & Coherence and Cohesion
Try to provide more specific examples to support your arguments. Using actual situations, case studies, or personal experiences can enhance your essay by making your points more convincing.
Task Achievement
Ensure your introduction clearly states the topic and outlines the views you will discuss. The conclusion should summarize the main points of your argument and restate your opinion.
Coherence and Cohesion
For better coherence, work on creating smoother transitions between paragraphs. Use cohesive devices, such as conjunctions or referencing words, to link ideas and arguments throughout the essay.
Coherence and Cohesion
Vary your sentence structures to create a more engaging and complex essay. Using a mix of simple, compound, and complex sentences can demonstrate your linguistic range and improve the readability of your text.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • adversity
  • resilience
  • stoicism
  • contentment
  • cope
  • adapt
  • endure
  • persevere
  • settle
  • ambition
  • tenacious
  • determined
  • resourceful
  • optimistic
  • self-improvement
  • proactive
  • initiative
  • transform
  • overcome
  • confront
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