some people think that public health is the responsilibility of the government while others think that people should be responsbile for their own health. Discuss both sides and give your opinion.
Healthcare is the backbone of
soceity
. Correct your spelling
society
However
, whether citizens are responsible for their own health care or it should be a duty of the administration is a topic of concern. I believe that both have equal responsibilities. In the upcoming paragraphs, I will elaborate this
Change preposition
on this
further
.
Healthy
life needs a schedule to be maintained Correct article usage
A healthy
such
as eating habits, exercise, sleeping pattern
, and no drugs. It is in the hands of Fix the agreement mistake
patterns
public
. If they focus on their own lifestyle, they can live longer. Add an article
the public
For example
, a study reveal that few developed countries have hospitals within less distance besides
of
that death rate Change preposition
apply
in
Change preposition
at
young
age was high Correct article usage
a young
due to
the addiction of
drugs. Change preposition
to
Thus
, government alone can not do anything unless people do not want to.
Is governemnet
can Correct your spelling
government
assit
people Correct your spelling
assist
to balance
good fitness? The answer is yes. They can educate Change preposition
in balancing
nation
. Add an article
a nation
the nation
Moreover
, application
of high taxes on fast food will encourage youngsters to eat fruits and vegetables. Correct article usage
the application
Apart from
this
, benefits
of exercise should Correct article usage
the benefits
be convey
to all. Change the verb form
be conveyed
Government
should arrange camps and seminars where Correct article usage
The government
public
can Add an article
the public
be insist
Change the verb form
insist
to do
yoga and cycling. Change preposition
on doing
Apart from
this
, free heathcare
should be offered to all the Correct your spelling
healthcare
residence
to encourage regular checkups. Replace the word
residents
For instance
, In canada
locals can get their health Change the capitalization
Canada
card
issued by Fix the agreement mistake
cards
Correct article usage
the administrative
administrative
. From a Replace the word
administration
report
it is seen that Add a comma
report,
rate
of regular Correct article usage
the rate
checkup
is much higher as compared to paid checkups. So Fix the agreement mistake
checkups
it is clear that
public authorities also
play big
role in building hospitals and offering checkups.
Add an article
a big
To sum up
, Is heathcare
Correct your spelling
healthcare
is
the duty of Unnecessary verb
apply
residences
or the public authorities? So after an Replace the word
residents
analysis
Add a comma
analysis,
it is clear that
both have equal responsibility. They both can jointly build a better lifestyle in the country.Submitted by kb781920 on
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Coherence & Cohesion
Make sure that your essay has a clear and logical structure. This includes a clear introduction, body paragraphs, and conclusion. Each paragraph should contain one main idea and be well-connected to the overall argument.
Coherence & Cohesion
Ensure that you vary your sentence structures and use linking words to demonstrate cohesive writing. This not only helps with the flow of the essay but also showcases your language abilities.
Coherence & Cohesion
Your main points are supported, but you should provide more specific examples and data to strengthen your arguments. This will help to illustrate your points more clearly and make them more persuasive.
Task Achievement
Your essay successfully addresses the question and presents a clear opinion. To improve, you could develop your ideas more fully by exploring the implications or consequences of the points you raise.
Task Achievement
Make sure that your ideas are not only clear but also comprehensive. They should fully cover the implications of the statements you make and consider possible counterarguments.
Task Achievement
Include some more relevant examples from a wider range of sources, including studies, reports, or personal experiences, to support your arguments effectively. This will demonstrate your ability to relate your ideas to real-world situations.