IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

some people think that public health is the responsilibility of the government while others think that people should be responsbile for their own health. Discuss both sides and give your opinion.

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Healthcare is the backbone of
soceity
Correct your spelling
society
.
However
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, whether citizens are responsible for their own health care or it should be a duty of the administration is a topic of concern. I believe that both have equal responsibilities. In the upcoming paragraphs, I will elaborate
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this
Change preposition
on this
show examples
further
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.
Healthy
Correct article usage
A healthy
show examples
 life needs a schedule to be maintained
such
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 as eating habits, exercise, sleeping
pattern
Fix the agreement mistake
patterns
show examples
, and no drugs. It is in the hands of
public
Add an article
the public
show examples
. If they focus on their own lifestyle, they can live longer.
For example
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, a study reveal that few developed countries have hospitals within less distance
besides
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of
Change preposition
apply
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that death rate
in
Change preposition
at
show examples
young
Correct article usage
a young
show examples
 age was high
due to
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 the addiction
of
Change preposition
to
show examples
 drugs.
Thus
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, government alone can not do anything unless people do not want to.  Is
governemnet
Correct your spelling
government
 can
assit
Correct your spelling
assist
 people
to balance
Change preposition
in balancing
show examples
 good fitness? The answer is yes. They can educate
nation
Add an article
a nation
the nation
show examples
.
Moreover
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,
application
Correct article usage
the application
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 of high taxes on fast food will encourage youngsters to eat fruits and vegetables.
Apart from
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this
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,
benefits
Correct article usage
the benefits
show examples
 of exercise should
be convey
Change the verb form
be conveyed
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 to all.
Government
Correct article usage
The government
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 should arrange camps and seminars where
public
Add an article
the public
show examples
 can
be insist
Change the verb form
insist
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to do
Change preposition
on doing
show examples
 yoga and cycling.
Apart from
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this
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, free
heathcare
Correct your spelling
healthcare
 should be offered to all the
residence
Replace the word
residents
show examples
 to encourage regular checkups.
For instance
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, In
canada
Change the capitalization
Canada
show examples
 locals can get their health
card
Fix the agreement mistake
cards
show examples
 issued by
Correct article usage
the administrative
show examples
administrative
Replace the word
administration
show examples
. From a
report
Add a comma
report,
show examples
 it is seen that
rate
Correct article usage
the rate
show examples
 of regular
checkup
Fix the agreement mistake
checkups
show examples
 is much higher as compared to paid checkups. So
it is clear that
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 public authorities
also
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 play
big
Add an article
a big
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 role in building hospitals and offering checkups.
To sum up
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, Is
heathcare
Correct your spelling
healthcare
is
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
the duty of
residences
Replace the word
residents
show examples
 or the public authorities? So after an
analysis
Add a comma
analysis,
show examples
it is clear that
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 both have equal responsibility. They both can jointly build a better lifestyle in the country.

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Coherence & Cohesion
Make sure that your essay has a clear and logical structure. This includes a clear introduction, body paragraphs, and conclusion. Each paragraph should contain one main idea and be well-connected to the overall argument.
Coherence & Cohesion
Ensure that you vary your sentence structures and use linking words to demonstrate cohesive writing. This not only helps with the flow of the essay but also showcases your language abilities.
Coherence & Cohesion
Your main points are supported, but you should provide more specific examples and data to strengthen your arguments. This will help to illustrate your points more clearly and make them more persuasive.
Task Achievement
Your essay successfully addresses the question and presents a clear opinion. To improve, you could develop your ideas more fully by exploring the implications or consequences of the points you raise.
Task Achievement
Make sure that your ideas are not only clear but also comprehensive. They should fully cover the implications of the statements you make and consider possible counterarguments.
Task Achievement
Include some more relevant examples from a wider range of sources, including studies, reports, or personal experiences, to support your arguments effectively. This will demonstrate your ability to relate your ideas to real-world situations.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • Public health
  • Healthcare services
  • Healthy living
  • Lifestyle choices
  • Government intervention
  • Vaccination programs
  • Regulate industries
  • Personal responsibility
  • Health initiatives
  • Socio-economic inequalities
  • Informed health decisions
  • Containment
  • Pandemics
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