IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4

Some people think that the main factors influencing a child’s development these days are things such as television, friends, and music. Others believe that the family still remains more important. Discuss both opinions and give your opinion

#people #factors #child’s #development #television #friends #music
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It is argued that TV,
freinds
Correct your spelling
friends
 and songs have become important aspects of a
child
's development, recently.
While
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 some people have the understanding that family should always come first and be of
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
great significance in a
child
's growth.
This
 essay will discuss both these views and will present my opinion
at the end
.
Tvs
Correct your spelling
TVs
show examples
 are considered important as they have become a source of
knowldege
Correct your spelling
knowledge
 for
children
 these days. Information from all over the world is telecasted on TV programmes, movies and series.
For example
, my nephew has a very good general knowledge as he watches
news
Add an article
the news
show examples
 with his father in the evenings on a regular basis.
Thus
,
increase
Correct article usage
an increase
show examples
 in general awareness has made Tvs popular and vital in the development of a
child
.
On the other hand
, family is important as they are the ones who provide
for
Change preposition
apply
show examples
food and send
children
 to school. They work and earn so that their
children
 can have
better
Correct article usage
a better
show examples
 education and live a good life. To illustrate, my parents sponsored my university fees in Canada without any second thought. They want the best for me even though they did not live their lives to the fullest.
Thus
, the sacrifices that families make for a
child
's growth
makes
Correct subject-verb agreement
make
show examples
 them important.
To conclude
, I believe that both TVs, friends,
and
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
music, and family are significant.
Children
 should just understand the importance of these in their lives.
Submitted by grvkumarsingh1 on

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task achievement
Ensure that your introduction clearly presents the topic and your thesis statement. Aim for clarity in expressing your point of view.
task achievement
Develop your main points more fully with detailed explanations and more specific examples to strengthen your argument.
coherence cohesion
Use a wider range of cohesive devices and transition words to improve the flow of information and ideas throughout your essay.
coherence cohesion
Be careful with spelling, punctuation, and grammar. Ensure that your verb tenses are consistent and that your sentences are well-constructed.
task achievement
Your conclusion should not introduce new points. It should summarize your arguments and restate your opinion clearly and persuasively.
coherence cohesion
Strive for diversity in sentence structures to demonstrate a higher level of language proficiency.

Word Count

IELTS says that you should write a minimum of 250 words in writing task 2. If you go under word count you will lose marks in task response.

A very long essay will not give you a higher band score.

Aim for between 260 to 290 words in writing task 2. This will ensure a concise essay and will be realistic in terms of time management. You have only 40 minutes to write the essay and you need around 10 minutes of planning time, so you will not be able to write a long essay in 30 minutes.

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