IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Life was better when technology was simpler? To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#life #technology
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Advanced
technology
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 has taken over
people
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's lives in
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
recent times. It is argued that life was less complex in the past when there was no
technology
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. I completely disagree with
this
Linking Words
 statement and believe that sophisticated
technology
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 has made our
life
Fix the agreement mistake
lives
show examples
 more convenient and less laborious and improved the education system. To commence with,
technology
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 has dragged several benefits into
people
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's
life
Fix the agreement mistake
lives
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. Because of advancement, numerous are able to communicate
to
Change preposition
with
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 their families, associates and
beloved
Correct your spelling
loved
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 ones by only pressing one touch button on their smartphones. It not only saves their time and effort but
also
Linking Words
 helps
individual
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individuals
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 to get their job done as quickly as possible. It must be valued more as it brings
people
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 together even if they are distant.
For instance
Linking Words
, Back
then
Linking Words
 , I used to go to the bank for
transaction
Fix the agreement mistake
transactions
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 since
technology
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 has become more advanced, now I have a mobile banking app on my phone which allows me to send and receive money easily just by touching
icon
Correct article usage
the icon
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 button on my phone screen.
Thus
Linking Words
, These
labor-saving
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labour-saving
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 devices
has
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have
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 made our living
more
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apply
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easier.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, interweb has improved
education
Correct article usage
the education
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 system in most of the countries. It has given students,
teacher
Fix the agreement mistake
teachers
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, readers, researchers and workers sufficient information related to their agenda. In the old times, students had to rely on books, teachers,
school
Fix the agreement mistake
schools
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 and
instructor
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instructors
show examples
 but at
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
present, learners tend to learn on their own with the help of wise internet which even made their learning effective and efficient. In fact, it has enriched education by providing
enormous
Add an article
an enormous
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 amount of knowledge, skills and competence online, and
therefore
Linking Words
,
learner's
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learners
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 can accomplish anything they set their mind to.
For example
Linking Words
, YouTube provides free materials and courses online which truly assist learners to upgrade their level
while
Linking Words
 they have ample amount of time. In conclusion,
technology
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 plays a crucial role in
people
Use synonyms
's lives and I firmly believe that using it wisely benefits learners to make learning efficient and sophisticated device saves our time, energy and money and makes our lives more easier.
Submitted by asmitakhatri490 on

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Task Achievement
Make sure your introduction sets out a clear opinion in response to the prompt, which you did satisfactorily. To improve, ensure that your conclusion not only restates this opinion but also summarizes the key points made within the essay without introducing new information.
Coherence & Cohesion
Your essay presents ideas in a logical order which aids in understanding. To enhance it further, consider more varied linking phrases and cohesive devices beyond 'On the other hand,' and 'In conclusion,' as well as monitoring paragraph lengths for uniformity.
Task Achievement
You provided examples to support your arguments but sometimes failed to fully develop them. To score higher, include more detailed and specific examples that directly relate to the question. This could involve statistics, research findings, or more personalized, elaborate anecdotes that clearly tie back to the prompt.
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