Life was better when technology was simpler? To what extent do you agree or disagree?

Advanced
technology
has taken over
people
's lives in
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
recent times. It is argued that life was less complex in the past when there was no
technology
. I completely disagree with
this
statement and believe that sophisticated
technology
has made our
life
Fix the agreement mistake
lives
show examples
more convenient and less laborious and improved the education system. To commence with,
technology
has dragged several benefits into
people
's
life
Fix the agreement mistake
lives
show examples
. Because of advancement, numerous are able to communicate
to
Change preposition
with
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their families, associates and
beloved
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loved
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ones by only pressing one touch button on their smartphones. It not only saves their time and effort but
also
helps
individual
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individuals
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to get their job done as quickly as possible. It must be valued more as it brings
people
together even if they are distant.
For instance
, Back
then
, I used to go to the bank for
transaction
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transactions
show examples
since
technology
has become more advanced, now I have a mobile banking app on my phone which allows me to send and receive money easily just by touching
icon
Correct article usage
the icon
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button on my phone screen.
Thus
, These
labor-saving
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labour-saving
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devices
has
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have
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made our living
more
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apply
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easier.
On the other hand
, interweb has improved
education
Correct article usage
the education
show examples
system in most of the countries. It has given students,
teacher
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teachers
show examples
, readers, researchers and workers sufficient information related to their agenda. In the old times, students had to rely on books, teachers,
school
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schools
show examples
and
instructor
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instructors
show examples
but at
the
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apply
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present, learners tend to learn on their own with the help of wise internet which even made their learning effective and efficient. In fact, it has enriched education by providing
enormous
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an enormous
show examples
amount of knowledge, skills and competence online, and
therefore
,
learner's
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learners
show examples
can accomplish anything they set their mind to.
For example
, YouTube provides free materials and courses online which truly assist learners to upgrade their level
while
they have ample amount of time. In conclusion,
technology
plays a crucial role in
people
's lives and I firmly believe that using it wisely benefits learners to make learning efficient and sophisticated device saves our time, energy and money and makes our lives more easier.
Submitted by asmitakhatri490 on

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Task Achievement
Make sure your introduction sets out a clear opinion in response to the prompt, which you did satisfactorily. To improve, ensure that your conclusion not only restates this opinion but also summarizes the key points made within the essay without introducing new information.
Coherence & Cohesion
Your essay presents ideas in a logical order which aids in understanding. To enhance it further, consider more varied linking phrases and cohesive devices beyond 'On the other hand,' and 'In conclusion,' as well as monitoring paragraph lengths for uniformity.
Task Achievement
You provided examples to support your arguments but sometimes failed to fully develop them. To score higher, include more detailed and specific examples that directly relate to the question. This could involve statistics, research findings, or more personalized, elaborate anecdotes that clearly tie back to the prompt.
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