IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 5

Life was better when technology was simpler? To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#life #technology
Advanced
technology
 has taken over
people
's lives in
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
recent times. It is argued that life was less complex in the past when there was no
technology
. I completely disagree with
this
 statement and believe that sophisticated
technology
 has made our
life
Fix the agreement mistake
lives
show examples
 more convenient and less laborious and improved the education system. To commence with,
technology
 has dragged several benefits into
people
's
life
Fix the agreement mistake
lives
show examples
. Because of advancement, numerous are able to communicate
to
Change preposition
with
show examples
 their families, associates and
beloved
Correct your spelling
loved
show examples
 ones by only pressing one touch button on their smartphones. It not only saves their time and effort but
also
 helps
individual
Fix the agreement mistake
individuals
show examples
 to get their job done as quickly as possible. It must be valued more as it brings
people
 together even if they are distant.
For instance
, Back
then
 , I used to go to the bank for
transaction
Fix the agreement mistake
transactions
show examples
 since
technology
 has become more advanced, now I have a mobile banking app on my phone which allows me to send and receive money easily just by touching
icon
Correct article usage
the icon
show examples
 button on my phone screen.
Thus
, These
labor-saving
Change the spelling
labour-saving
show examples
 devices
has
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have
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 made our living
more
Change the word
apply
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easier.
On the other hand
, interweb has improved
education
Correct article usage
the education
show examples
 system in most of the countries. It has given students,
teacher
Fix the agreement mistake
teachers
show examples
, readers, researchers and workers sufficient information related to their agenda. In the old times, students had to rely on books, teachers,
school
Fix the agreement mistake
schools
show examples
 and
instructor
Fix the agreement mistake
instructors
show examples
 but at
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
present, learners tend to learn on their own with the help of wise internet which even made their learning effective and efficient. In fact, it has enriched education by providing
enormous
Add an article
an enormous
show examples
 amount of knowledge, skills and competence online, and
therefore
,
learner's
Change noun form
learners
show examples
 can accomplish anything they set their mind to.
For example
, YouTube provides free materials and courses online which truly assist learners to upgrade their level
while
 they have ample amount of time. In conclusion,
technology
 plays a crucial role in
people
's lives and I firmly believe that using it wisely benefits learners to make learning efficient and sophisticated device saves our time, energy and money and makes our lives more easier.
Submitted by asmitakhatri490 on

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Task Achievement
Make sure your introduction sets out a clear opinion in response to the prompt, which you did satisfactorily. To improve, ensure that your conclusion not only restates this opinion but also summarizes the key points made within the essay without introducing new information.
Coherence & Cohesion
Your essay presents ideas in a logical order which aids in understanding. To enhance it further, consider more varied linking phrases and cohesive devices beyond 'On the other hand,' and 'In conclusion,' as well as monitoring paragraph lengths for uniformity.
Task Achievement
You provided examples to support your arguments but sometimes failed to fully develop them. To score higher, include more detailed and specific examples that directly relate to the question. This could involve statistics, research findings, or more personalized, elaborate anecdotes that clearly tie back to the prompt.

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