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Band 4.5

Some people believe that it is ok to put the needs of humans over environmental concerns. While others feel that protecting the environment should be priortized. Discuss both views.

#people #ok #humans #concerns #environment
Environment
 and
human
Fix the agreement mistake
humans
show examples
 are one part of
ecosystem
Add an article
the ecosystem
show examples
 on
earth
Capitalize word
Earth
show examples
, they are always living side by side. Some individuals believe that there is no problem if human needs can be put over environmental concerns,
while
 others argue that they should
priortize
Correct your spelling
prioritise
 the protection of
environment
Add an article
the environment
show examples
. In
this
 essay, I will discuss both points of view and deliver some explanations. Exploitation
to
Change preposition
of
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
nature is one of
Add an article
the way
show examples
way
Fix the agreement mistake
ways
show examples
 for
human
Fix the agreement mistake
humans
show examples
 to live a life.
As a consequence
, it affects the
environment
.
For example
, when
people
 mine
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
gas or oil, it can cause the
polution
Correct your spelling
pollution
 of water quality, but if we do not take the gas and oil from
ocean
Correct article usage
the ocean
show examples
bad
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
, there is no energy which can be used for
people
 to do any
activites
Correct your spelling
activities
activity
. The effect
to
Change preposition
on
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
nature can be
overcomed
Correct your spelling
overcome
show examples
 by
people
 because they can think
and
Change preposition
about and
show examples
 reduce it by using
a
Remove the article
apply
show examples
technology. It can be inferred that individuals can take
everthing
Correct your spelling
everything
 from
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
nature, but they have to
concern
Wrong verb form
be concerned
show examples
 about the impact
to
Change preposition
on
show examples
 the
environment
.
On the other hand
,
environment
Add an article
the environment
show examples
 has to be protected because not only
human
Fix the agreement mistake
humans
show examples
who
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
live on the earth
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 but
also
 animals and plants as well. When
people
 do not protect the
enviroment
Correct your spelling
environment
,
as a result
, it will cause
the
Correct article usage
an
show examples
imbalancess
Correct your spelling
imbalances
imbalance
 which can lead to a disaster.
For instance
, when
people
 do
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
deforestation a lot
whithout
Correct your spelling
without
 any doubt, it will cause a
run off
Join the words
runoff
show examples
 or land
slizing
Correct your spelling
sliding
sizing
.
This
 effect will make
human
Fix the agreement mistake
humans
show examples
 suffer.
Environment
Add an article
The environment
An environment
show examples
 which is not to be paid attention from
people
 will affect many negative things. In conclusion, I believe that it is ok if
human
Fix the agreement mistake
humans
show examples
 put
they
Correct pronoun usage
their
show examples
need
Correct subject-verb agreement
needs
show examples
 over
Correct article usage
the environmental
show examples
environmental
Replace the word
environment
show examples
 because they need to
be survived
Wrong verb form
survive
show examples
. Protecting
environment
Correct article usage
the environment
show examples
also
Add a missing verb
is also
show examples
 important to stop
people
 from
suffer
Change the verb form
suffering
show examples
 because of
disaster
Fix the agreement mistake
disasters
show examples
.
Submitted by ru.kabiru.biru on

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Coherence & Cohesion
Consider using a clear and logical structure throughout the essay. Your body paragraphs should distinctly tackle one view each, followed by a clear personal opinion in the conclusion.
Coherence & Cohesion
Ensure that your introduction includes a clear thesis statement that outlines the scope of your essay.
Coherence & Cohesion
Aim for clear paragraphing, with a topic sentence at the beginning of each paragraph followed by supporting sentences and a concluding sentence.
Task Achievement
Provide a clear response to the question throughout the essay. Make sure each paragraph addresses the task and contributes towards a final, balanced conclusion.
Task Achievement
Develop ideas more thoroughly. Use specific examples, facts, or figures to support each point of view. Avoid being too general or vague in your arguments.
Coherence & Cohesion
Include a wider range of vocabulary along with varied sentence structures to express ideas more precisely and enhance readability.
Coherence & Cohesion
Pay attention to spelling, punctuation, and grammar to avoid errors which can impede understanding.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

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