IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 6

Some people say that individuals should change jobs during their working life often while others believe that doing the same job has advantages to individuals, companies, and society.

#people #individuals #change #jobs #life #job #companies #society
People have different views about whether having the same career during the whole work life is beneficial for the employees, employers and society or not.
While
 some consider it has more advantages to change their jobs rather than doing the same tasks for a long period, I believe that carrying out a stable
job
 will bring
further
 positive points for all individuals,
job
 owners and the public and I will explain my idea in
this
 essay. On the one hand, it is generally acknowledged that sometimes people need to have some change in their lives in order to be far from depression.
According to
 what psychologists say, being stable is not advisable for the majority of individuals.
Additionally
, people take the risk of changing their occupations in the hope of better
job
 conditions. No one tries to worsen his situation just for the reason of diversity.
For instance
, those
workers
 who are seeking a new
job
, probably suffering from low incomes or an unrelated
job
 to their field of interest,
On the other hand
, there is ample evidence that doing a
job
 for continuous years will result in a number of experts in that specific field.
Therefore
, after a
while
, we will witness a considerable number of professions in different jobs.
Moreover
,there will be a sense of mutual trust between the staff and the employer which is a precious achievement. It is obvious that these
workers
 will not walk any single step in the disfavour of their employer. A case in point is some old companies with the same
workers
 who have been working from the day of establishment.
Consequently
,
although
 several states agree that there is a need for everyone to change his
job
 frequently or at least several times in their
job
 life, I am of the opinion that
job
 stability will produce more positive points for all who are struggling.
Therefore
, society will benefit from the satisfaction of either its
workers
 or
job
 owners.
Submitted by keyhan454 on

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structure
Your essay demonstrates a well-structured argument, with a clear introduction and conclusion. To further enhance it, ensure all paragraphs are equally developed.
content
While your essay covers the topic adequately, incorporating more varied and specific examples to support your arguments can strengthen your task response.
cohesion
Your use of cohesive devices is good, facilitating the essay's flow. However, varying your sentence structures and connectors can further enhance readability and coherence.
critical thinking
You've provided a balanced view on the topic, showing understanding of both perspectives before stating your opinion.
introduction/conclusion
The introduction and conclusion are clear and effectively summarize your viewpoints, which is excellent for engaging the reader.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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