IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6

Some people say that individuals should change jobs during their working life often while others believe that doing the same job has advantages to individuals, companies, and society.

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People have different views about whether having the same career during the whole work life is beneficial for the employees, employers and society or not.
While
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 some consider it has more advantages to change their jobs rather than doing the same tasks for a long period, I believe that carrying out a stable
job
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 will bring
further
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 positive points for all individuals,
job
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 owners and the public and I will explain my idea in
this
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 essay. On the one hand, it is generally acknowledged that sometimes people need to have some change in their lives in order to be far from depression.
According to
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 what psychologists say, being stable is not advisable for the majority of individuals.
Additionally
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, people take the risk of changing their occupations in the hope of better
job
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 conditions. No one tries to worsen his situation just for the reason of diversity.
For instance
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, those
workers
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 who are seeking a new
job
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, probably suffering from low incomes or an unrelated
job
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 to their field of interest,
On the other hand
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, there is ample evidence that doing a
job
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 for continuous years will result in a number of experts in that specific field.
Therefore
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, after a
while
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, we will witness a considerable number of professions in different jobs.
Moreover
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,there will be a sense of mutual trust between the staff and the employer which is a precious achievement. It is obvious that these
workers
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 will not walk any single step in the disfavour of their employer. A case in point is some old companies with the same
workers
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 who have been working from the day of establishment.
Consequently
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,
although
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 several states agree that there is a need for everyone to change his
job
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 frequently or at least several times in their
job
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 life, I am of the opinion that
job
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 stability will produce more positive points for all who are struggling.
Therefore
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, society will benefit from the satisfaction of either its
workers
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 or
job
Use synonyms
 owners.

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structure
Your essay demonstrates a well-structured argument, with a clear introduction and conclusion. To further enhance it, ensure all paragraphs are equally developed.
content
While your essay covers the topic adequately, incorporating more varied and specific examples to support your arguments can strengthen your task response.
cohesion
Your use of cohesive devices is good, facilitating the essay's flow. However, varying your sentence structures and connectors can further enhance readability and coherence.
critical thinking
You've provided a balanced view on the topic, showing understanding of both perspectives before stating your opinion.
introduction/conclusion
The introduction and conclusion are clear and effectively summarize your viewpoints, which is excellent for engaging the reader.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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