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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The charts below show what UK graduate and postgraduate students who did not go into full-time work did after leaving college in 2018. Summarize the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

The charts below show what UK graduate and postgraduate students who did not go into full-time work did after leaving college in 2018. Summarize the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.
The bar chart illustrates
that
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
the comparison between
graduates
Use synonyms
 and post-
graduates
Use synonyms
 in working status
for example
Linking Words
 part-time
job
Fix the agreement mistake
jobs
show examples
, voluntary
job
Fix the agreement mistake
jobs
show examples
,
further
Linking Words
job
Fix the agreement mistake
jobs
show examples
 and unemployment of UK
students
Use synonyms
graduated
Correct pronoun usage
who graduated
show examples
 in 2018.
Overall
Linking Words
, it is apparent that the
number
Use synonyms
 of voluntary
work
Use synonyms
 is the lowest.
Whereas
Linking Words
 in
term
Fix the agreement mistake
terms
show examples
 of
further
Linking Words
work
Use synonyms
 is the highest.
Moreover
Linking Words
,
from
Change preposition
apply
show examples
statistical information shows that
number
Use synonyms
 of the post
Use synonyms
graduates
Fix the agreement mistake
graduate
show examples
students
Use synonyms
 is lower than
Use synonyms
graduates student
Fix the agreement mistake
graduate students
show examples
 around ten times. In 2008, the
number
Use synonyms
 of graduate
students
Use synonyms
 was totally greater than postgraduate
students
Use synonyms
. From
Use synonyms
graduates
Add a comma
graduates,
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 data depict that the
number
Use synonyms
 of part-time
work
Use synonyms
 was 17,735 and voluntary
work
Use synonyms
 was 3,500.
Linking Words
Furthermore
Add a comma
Furthermore,
show examples
further
Linking Words
 study and unemployment were 29665 and 16235 respectively.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, the information of
post
Correct your spelling
postgraduates
show examples
graduates
Use synonyms
shown
Wrong verb form
shows
show examples
 that the amount of
part time
Add a hyphen
part-time
show examples
work
Use synonyms
 was 2,535.
In addition
Linking Words
, voluntary and
further
Linking Words
study
Fix the agreement mistake
studies
show examples
were 345 and 2725 respectively.
In the
Change preposition
The
show examples
 section
of
Change preposition
on
show examples
 unemployment was 1625.The minority of the two groups
was do
Change the verb form
did
show examples
 voluntary jobs.

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Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "further".
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Vocabulary: Replace the words graduates, students, number, work with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "information" was used 2 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "number of" was used 4 times.
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Topic Vocabulary:
  • graduate/postgraduate students
  • full-time work
  • further study
  • part-time education
  • voluntary work
  • unemployment
  • travel/gap year
  • percentage/proportion
  • field of study
  • economic factors
  • trends
  • comparison
  • analysis
  • correlate
  • preferences
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