In many countries the proportion of older is steadily increasing
Nowadays, the number of old people in some countries
is increase
. Some people believe that there are both Change the verb form
is increasing
benefit
and Fix the agreement mistake
benefits
drawback
Fix the agreement mistake
drawbacks
from
Change preposition
to
these phenomenon
.
On the one hand, Change the determiner
this phenomenon
these phenomena
elderly
are undoubtedly Correct article usage
the elderly
having
more and more experience in terms of theory and practice. It is one of the most considerable Verb problem
gaining
statement
because they had learnt and applied the knowledge for many years. Fix the agreement mistake
statements
For example
, the traditional health practioner Linking Words
which
skill Correct your spelling
with
full
of experience easy to diagnose from the shymthomp and some Correct word choice
and full
characteristic
which already occur in the patient’s body. In a short Fix the agreement mistake
characteristics
time
we can know what Add a comma
time,
the
health issue we have. Correct article usage
apply
Then
, all the students from Linking Words
university
have Add an article
the university
a
opportunity to takeChange the article
an
a
direct practice from the old practitioner.
Correct article usage
apply
On the other hand
, old people will Linking Words
spent
more in terms of pension. In some Change the verb form
spend
countries
the elderly Add a comma
countries,
is
under the protection of Change the verb form
are
government
. The elderly get monthly funding from the country. How much money should government spend in a year to make sure the elderly careAdd an article
the government
.
If we can allocate the money for education, it Change the punctuation
?
is
better for Wrong verb form
will be
young
generation in the future. Add an article
the young
For instance
, the school or the university will get Linking Words
a new equipment
that Remove the article
new equipment
a piece of new equipment
full
of innovations. Add a missing verb
is full
However
, it Linking Words
just
an assumption to allocate all Add a missing verb
is just
the
budget Change preposition
of the
for
the elderly.
In conclusion, Change preposition
to
take
care Wrong verb form
taking
the
elderly is important but take care and make sure the future generations Change preposition
of the
more
and more substantial.Add a missing verb
are more
Submitted by misstiasclassroom on
Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.
coherence cohesion
You should work on clearly outlining your main points in both the introduction and the conclusion. It's important that your essay has a strong thesis statement that sets the direction for your arguments.
coherence cohesion
Ensure that each paragraph has a clear main idea, which is then supported by specific examples or explanations. This not only strengthens your argument, but also aids the reader in following your line of thought.
task achievement
To improve task response, you need to fully address all parts of the prompt. Make sure that you provide a balanced discussion of the benefits and drawbacks, and support them with specific details and examples. Your essay currently presents general ideas without deeply exploring them.
task achievement
Your examples should be more detailed and directly relevant to the point you're making. Instead of hypothetical situations, use concrete evidence or real-world scenarios to illustrate your arguments.
coherence cohesion
Work on your grammatical range and accuracy. There are several grammatical errors that disrupt the flow and clarity of your essay. Consider studying sentence structure, verb tenses, and the use of articles. Proofreading your work would help to identify and correct these errors.
Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
Linking words are very important in your essay.
To score effectively on your IELTS exam, you should make an effort to implement short concise sentences coupled with linking words.
Almost every sentence in your essay should have a linking word of some sort.
In fact, the only sentences that can omit linking words are your background sentence and thesis.
Linking word examples:
- firstly
- secondly
- thirdly
- in additional
- moreover
- also
- for example
- for instance
- therefore
- however
- although
- even though
- despite