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Band 5.5

Increasing the price of petrol is the best way to solve growing traffic and poluttion problems. To what extent do you agree or disagree? What other measures fdo you think might be effective?

#price #petrol #traffic #poluttion #measures #fdo
As society develops, it is becoming clear that we must change how we affect the climate of our planet. Our species, through its evolution,
have
Correct subject-verb agreement
has
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 gradually polluted the planet to a point where temperatures are drastically changing and natural disasters are pillaging our ecosystem. I completely agree that hiking up the price of gas,
also
 known as petrol, could be beneficial in stopping the decline of climate change before it becomes too late. First of all, driving cars is completely out of date and gases
omitted
Correct your spelling
emitted
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 from vehicles are causing the air to become incredibly
convaluted
Correct your spelling
convoluted
. Raising the amount of money charged to fill up a regular tank could stop citizens from driving as much, which could lead to an increase in the use of public transport.
This
 could
be
Unnecessary verb
apply
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impact the public transport systems of the world and clear our skies to the point where many can breathe again in crowded cities. Making cars obsolete
due to
 expensive fuel could
also
 lower the amount of deaths via crashes. The traffic caused by people sailing past red lights and speeding because they are late can eventually be stopped and many could live much longer lives. It is safe to say that the thousands of mothers who have lost their children to drunk driving would
also
 be very appreciative of cars losing their hold over our society. In conclusion, it is resolutely clear that there are easy tactics to decrease the use of moving vehicles on roads in order to increase the prosperity of our lives, our roads and our oxygen intake. Public transport systems are completely prepared to take on more local people, death tolls would go down and we could even stop drilling for oil, which depletes our world's resources. All of these notions lead towards a positive path for climate change and a future for the next generations to come.
Submitted by knknecht22 on

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Task Achievement
Ensure that your main points supporting your argument are fully developed with specific examples and evidence. While the essay has a clear position, expanding on your ideas with concrete examples will make your argument stronger.
Coherence & Cohesion
Work on the logical flow between ideas and paragraphs. Use a wider range of cohesive devices and topic sentences to make your essay more coherent.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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