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Band 5

MANY UNIVERSITY STUDENTS LIVE WITH THEIR FAMILY WHILE OTHERS LIVE AWAY FORM HOME BECAUSE THEIR UNIVERSITY IN A DIFFERENT PLACES. WHAT ARE THE ADVANTAGE AND DISADVANTAGE OF THE SITUATION.

#university #students #form #home #places #advantage #situation
Large figures of
colleges
Change the noun form
college
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 students tend to remain with their parents
while
 studying others
had
Wrong verb form
have
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 to move out in order to stay closer to their colleges
this
 has cons like personal growth
as well as
 some pons like financial challenges
than
Correct word choice
that
show examples
 many would have to face. On
one
Correct article usage
the one
show examples
 hand
Add a comma
,
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personal growth is one of the important advantages of staying in another city to study
,
Remove the comma
apply
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because it’s a new experience where they meet new
student
Fix the agreement mistake
students
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 and get to know a different environment so they become more self-confidence ,self-independent and develop their skills to do multiple tasks ,
for example
 ,
student
Add an article
a student
the student
show examples
 who comes originally from smaller cities to capital cities would share a rent with other
student
 doing cleaning , making food , been in responsibility about their own life .
On the other hand
, some of the disadvantages of
this
 situation is financial challenges, because
student
 who lives far from their family have to deal with all the financial
issue
Fix the agreement mistake
issues
show examples
along with
 no family support means they have to stay on budget even though they want to do something extra like joining a club or going on trip,
for instance
student
 who lives away would receive a monthly allowance that covers all their essentials need like rent , bills and so on and usually there is not much left after removing all of
this
 from their budget . In
conclusion
Add a comma
conclusion,
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 many students would have to leave their own home town to join their dream university ,
this
 has many advantages like adding more to personal growth and
also
 has
a
Correct the article-noun agreement
apply
show examples
disadvantages like having to face financial struggles alone.
Submitted by hebadyala on

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coherence cohesion
Ensure the introduction clearly presents the topic and outlines the main points that will be discussed. Try to correct grammatical errors and use a variety of sentence structures for clarity.
task achievement
Develop each main point with clear, comprehensive ideas and use relevant, specific examples to support your arguments. Illustrate each advantage or disadvantage with detailed explanations or anecdotes.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • Cost savings
  • Emotional support
  • Household chores
  • Familiar environment
  • Distractions
  • Self-reliance
  • Independence
  • Exposure
  • Diverse cultures
  • Life skills
  • Social opportunities
  • Financial pressure
  • Homesickness
  • Academic commitments
  • Supervision
What to do next:
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