IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4

In many countries schools have severe problems with the student behaviour. What do you think are the causes of this ? What solutions can you suggest?

#countries #schools #student #behaviour
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In many
states
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states,
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 schools have significant and important
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problem
Fix the agreement mistake
problems
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 with
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students
Change noun form
students'
student's
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behaviour
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. I believe that the causes of
this
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problem
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happens
Correct subject-verb agreement
happen
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for
Change preposition
to
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 the educational system and
specially
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especially
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for
Change preposition
to
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 the
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responsability
Correct your spelling
responsibility
 of
parents
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. Nowadays, our society
have
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has
show examples
 an opportunity to find a solution, so I think that we need to
do
Verb problem
make
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 big changes in the
method
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methods
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 and topics that how we teach in
the
Correct article usage
apply
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school
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, and we need to improve the relationship between
parents
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 and
son
Fix the agreement mistake
sons
show examples
. The governments, need to do something with the educational system
,
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apply
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 because
the
Correct article usage
apply
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student
behaviour
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change
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changes
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everyday
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every day
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 for different causes, so the countries need to understand
this
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problem
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.
Furthermore
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, need to implement new courses with different
component
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components
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 and with an introduction
on
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to
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Correct article usage
the internet
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internet
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Internet
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, because is
atractive
Correct your spelling
attractive
 to all
students
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work
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 with
Correct article usage
the internet
show examples
internet
Capitalize word
Internet
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, but
also
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 is relevant that some teachers
don¨t
Correct your spelling
don't
 like
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work
Wrong verb form
working
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 with
this
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 new technology, so the governments need to implement
this
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 new system with a balance between teacher and
students
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,
for instance
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 a new category of score, that the student can see the
behaviour
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 in an aplication on internet.
Moreover
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, is significant in the
behaviour
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os
Correct your spelling
of
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students
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 in the
school
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, the
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responsability
Correct your spelling
responsibility
 of
parents
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, because if the student
don¨t
Correct your spelling
doesn't
 have an education in
the
Change the word
their
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 own home, is difficult for the teachers in the
school
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teach
Fix the infinitive
to teach
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 about
behaviour
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 or
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responsability
Correct your spelling
responsibility
. Somebody
tell
Correct subject-verb agreement
tells
show examples
as
Correct your spelling
us
show examples
 that education
begin
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begins
show examples
 in the home, and there we need to learn about respect,
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responsability
Correct your spelling
responsibility
, loyalty and other relevant topics in our life,
while
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 we
don¨t
Correct your spelling
don't
work
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 together teachers and
parents
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,
this
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problem
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 with the
students
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 will be increment in the next years. In conclusion, exist a relationship between the
behaviour
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 of
students
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 and the
school
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 and home and as a society we need to find a solution
for
Change preposition
to
show examples
this
Linking Words
problem
Use synonyms
, and for
that
Add a comma
that,
show examples
 we need to
work
Use synonyms
 together
Submitted by niconoman on

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Coherence and Cohesion
The essay needs to have a clear and logical structure. It is important to organize your ideas into clear paragraphs with an introduction, body, and conclusion. Each paragraph should contain one main idea supported by specific examples and explanations.
Coherence and Cohesion
The introduction and conclusion are both present but they need to clearly state the main topic and the writer's opinion, as well as summarizing the main points discussed. They should frame the essay and give the reader a clear understanding of what to expect and what has been concluded.
Coherence and Cohesion
Your main points need to be supported by specific reasons, examples, or evidence. This strengthens the argument and makes the essay more persuasive.
Task Achievement
The task response criteria requires that you provide a complete answer to all parts of the question. You should make sure to discuss both the causes and solutions to the problems mentioned, providing clear and comprehensive ideas throughout.
Task Achievement
The essay could benefit from using relevant and specific examples to illustrate points. Think of real-life situations or research that supports your arguments.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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