Some people think it is harmful for people to watch advertisements, others think it improves our lives. Discuss both views and give your own.

#people #advertisements #lives

It is argued parents should not give

poket

Correct your spelling

pocket

money for tees to buy . I strongly

not

Add a missing verb

do not

show examples

agree with that. In my

opinion

Add a comma

opinion,

show examples

teenagers want money for shopping because need a lot of

things

. I will give you many reasons. First , Teenagers want to buy

things

for him .

For example

,clothes, shoes,dresses,

ball

Fix the agreement mistake

balls

show examples

,lotion ,makeup and other

things

for cleanliness. Because

boy

Fix the agreement mistake

boys

show examples

want to play football with

Correct pronoun usage

their brother

show examples

brother

Fix the agreement mistake

brothers

show examples

or friends and

the

Correct article usage

apply

show examples

girls want to

make

Verb problem

put on

show examples

makeup when

she

Correct pronoun usage

they

show examples

go to

party

Fix the agreement mistake

parties

show examples

wedding

Fix the agreement mistake

weddings

show examples

always.

Second,

Teenagers want always markets

for

Change preposition

show examples

buy eat

everyday

Replace the word

every day

show examples

For example

, They eat in restaurants sometimes and They buy a lot of candy every day. Because sometimes

set

Verb problem

sitting

show examples

in malls many times She usually hangers and

also

buy

candys

Correct your spelling

candies

for

Change preposition

show examples

see

Correct your spelling

films

filmes

Correct your spelling

films

nights

Fix the agreement mistake

night

show examples

I conclude that

Remove the comma

apply

show examples

parents should give

poket

Correct your spelling

pocket

money because teens need to buy usually

things

important but sometimes for entertainment

Submitted by kazza735 on Fri Jan 19 2024

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task achievement

Make sure to answer all parts of the question. The given topic asks for a discussion on the impact of advertisements, but the essay is about teenagers receiving pocket money.

coherence and cohesion

Your introduction should clearly state the topic and your position on it. Avoid introducing new arguments in the conclusion; it should summarize the main points of your essay.

coherence and cohesion

Use clear topic sentences to introduce the main points in each paragraph. Expand on these points with supporting explanations or examples.

coherence and cohesion

Work on organizing your essay better by using connectors and transitions to link ideas and paragraphs. This will help with the flow of the essay.

task achievement

To improve task achievement, ensure you discuss both views of the topic and substantiate each with clear examples or arguments before giving your own opinion.

coherence and cohesion

Check for grammatical errors and spelling mistakes. Errors can make your essay difficult to understand, which can decrease your score.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

Paragraph 1 - Introduction

Sentence 1 - Background statement
Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
Sentence 3 - Thesis
Sentence 4 - Outline sentence

Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph

Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
Sentence 2 - Example
Sentence 3 - Discussion
Sentence 4 - Conclusion

Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph

Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
Sentence 2 - Example
Sentence 3 - Discussion
Sentence 4 - Conclusion

Paragraph 4 - Conclusion

Sentence 1 - Summary
Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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3Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
1Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
22Grammar mistakes
 

6 paragraphs

149 words

<40

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 4.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 4.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

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