IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 1

Some people think it is harmful for people to watch advertisements, others think it improves our lives. Discuss both views and give your own.

#people #advertisements #lives
It is argued parents should not give
poket
Correct your spelling
pocket
 money for tees to buy . I strongly
not
Add a missing verb
do not
show examples
 agree with that. In my
opinion
Add a comma
opinion,
show examples
 teenagers want money for shopping because need a lot of
things
. I will give you many reasons. First , Teenagers want to buy
things
 for him .
For example
,clothes, shoes,dresses,
ball
Fix the agreement mistake
balls
show examples
,lotion ,makeup and other
things
 for cleanliness. Because
boy
Fix the agreement mistake
boys
show examples
 want to play football with
Correct pronoun usage
their brother
show examples
brother
Fix the agreement mistake
brothers
show examples
 or friends and
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
girls want to
make
Verb problem
put on
show examples
 makeup when
she
Correct pronoun usage
they
show examples
 go to
party
Fix the agreement mistake
parties
show examples
 or
wedding
Fix the agreement mistake
weddings
show examples
always.
Second,
Teenagers want always markets
for
Change preposition
to
show examples
 buy eat
everyday
Replace the word
every day
show examples
.
For example
, They eat in restaurants sometimes and They buy a lot of candy every day. Because sometimes
set
Verb problem
sitting
show examples
 in malls many times She usually hangers and
also
 buy
candys
Correct your spelling
candies
for
Change preposition
to
show examples
 see
Correct your spelling
films
filmes
Correct your spelling
films
 at
nights
Fix the agreement mistake
night
show examples
 I conclude that
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 parents should give
poket
Correct your spelling
pocket
 money because teens need to buy usually
things
 important but sometimes for entertainment
Submitted by kazza735 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task achievement
Make sure to answer all parts of the question. The given topic asks for a discussion on the impact of advertisements, but the essay is about teenagers receiving pocket money.
coherence and cohesion
Your introduction should clearly state the topic and your position on it. Avoid introducing new arguments in the conclusion; it should summarize the main points of your essay.
coherence and cohesion
Use clear topic sentences to introduce the main points in each paragraph. Expand on these points with supporting explanations or examples.
coherence and cohesion
Work on organizing your essay better by using connectors and transitions to link ideas and paragraphs. This will help with the flow of the essay.
task achievement
To improve task achievement, ensure you discuss both views of the topic and substantiate each with clear examples or arguments before giving your own opinion.
coherence and cohesion
Check for grammatical errors and spelling mistakes. Errors can make your essay difficult to understand, which can decrease your score.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

Learn how to write high-scoring essays with powerful words.
Download Free PDF and start improving you writing skills today!
What to do next:
Look at other essays: