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Writing Samples
Band 5.5

Some people believe that allowing children to make their own choices on everyday matters (such as food, clothes and entertainment) is likely to result in a society of individuals who only think about their own wishes. Other people believe that it is important for children to make decisions about matters that affect them. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

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Criticisms are concerned that
children
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 will be endangered if they are given freedom of choice,
while
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 others believe that they will be better equipped to handle consequences in the future of their acts if given
such
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 freedom. From my perspective, I opine that
children
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 should be allowed to make their own decisions about personal matters. On the one hand, complying with all the wishes of
children
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 every day may result in them forming the habit of selfishness.
This
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 is because when allowed to choose whatever they want to eat or wear on a daily basis, they may become accustomed to not caring about other people’s preferences when making a decision. Several researchers have detected that these
children
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 have more capable self-decisions, and it is more likely not to follow their parent’s rules, and expectations.
Besides
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, they do not
life
Correct your spelling
like
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 foundation or experiences to make some true choices so
children
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 will certainly make silly mistakes if they do not pay attention to their parent’s instructions. Eventually,
this
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 habit will stay with them as they grow up, creating a selfish society.
On the other hand
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,
children
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 who are given the freedom to choose for themselves become more confident in the long run, and their decision-making ability is enhanced.
Firstly
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,
this
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 will help them when they become adults and enable them to lead independent lives. Specifically, if their parents train them to care for themselves, they will be able to make good decisions and prioritize what is most important to them.
Secondly
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,
children
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 should learn for themselves what is wrong and right, and they need to demonstrate their personalities.
This
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 helps
children
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 learn to make ethical decisions when they are adults.
Finally
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,
children
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 will be prepared more well to exact responses when meeting challenge cases. In conclusion, I have determined that it is crucial for kids to be able to choose their everyday activities since it helps them become more autonomous.
This
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 is true even if it means that society will be full of
self-centered
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self-centred
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 people.

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Introduction
Consider refining your introduction by clearly stating the two opposing viewpoints before presenting your own opinion to lay a solid foundation for the essay.
Conclusion
In your conclusion, attempt to summarize your discussion points more clearly to reflect how they support your stance, rather than simply restating your opinion.
Coherence
Use topic sentences to introduce main points effectively and maintain focus on how it relates to the essay question throughout the paragraph.
Cohesion
Enhance cohesion by utilizing a wider range of linking words and phrases to connect ideas and paragraphs more naturally.
Task Achievement
Expand on your ideas with more substantial, pertinent examples that directly support your argument, ensuring they are fully developed and illustrate your points convincingly.
Examples
Try to illustrate your points with specific real-life situations or hypothetical scenarios that can make your arguments more convincing.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • Autonomy
  • Consequence-awareness
  • Self-centered
  • Informal decision-making education
  • Child development
  • Age-appropriate choices
  • Cognitive growth
  • Fostering independence
  • Parental guidance
  • Societal norms
  • Interpersonal consideration
  • Balance of freedom
  • Individualism versus collectivism
  • Experience-based learning
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