Some people decide to start their own business instead of working for a company or organization. Do the advantages for people working for their own business outweigh the disadvantages? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.
In the past,
people
deem that joining to
a Change preposition
apply
company
upon graduation is the only option to start their career life. However
, these days jobs have been diversified and the number of self-employed people
have been
increased. I think Wrong verb form
has
pros
of individuals running their own Correct article usage
the pros
business
are greater than Fix the agreement mistake
businesses
cons
Correct article usage
the cons
of
Change preposition
apply
it
. Correct pronoun usage
apply
This
essay will examine both perspectives and the reason why I agree with the advantage of operating own
Correct pronoun usage
my own
business
with relevant examples.
First of all, by running one's own company
, people
can try anything they want, which may brings
innovation to our society. If someone is an employee of Change the verb form
bring
organisation
, he would find it difficult to implement their ideas in a Add an article
an organisation
the organisation
company
because there are
a lot of reporting hierarchy to get approval of them. Correct subject-verb agreement
is
For example
, the founder of Toss, the popluar
banking start-up in Korea, resigned Correct your spelling
popular
his
previous Change preposition
from his
company
which is the largest conglomerate in Korea because he wanted to execute his ideas freely. After a
few years later since establishing Change preposition
A
start-up
, he achieved huge success and the public Correct article usage
the start-up
think
Wrong verb form
thought
this
service brought innovation in
individuals' banking experience.
Change preposition
to
On the other hand
, some people
deem that being self-employed is a risky decision because of unstable income and the high possibility of failure. As a grown adult, folks need a certain amount of money to maintain their lives. Since starting their own business
generally required
initial investment and if worse, it is possible to earn any money before it Wrong verb form
requires
succeed
, a self-employed person can suffer from financial difficulties. Change the verb form
succeeds
However
, there are various subsidies that the government and institutions provide with
. Change preposition
apply
For instance
, the labor
department of the Korean government Change the spelling
labour
offered
consulting services and financial assistance to those who are willing to set up a Wrong verb form
offers
business
, so that they can minimize the risks of operating their own business
.
To sum up
, there are definitely some disadvantages of working for their own business
, however
, there are certain advantages of it in terms of introducing various novice ideas to our society. If self-employed people
use the
social support and Correct article usage
apply
infrastructures
, they can focus on what is essential to Fix the agreement mistake
infrastructure
make
success in their Verb problem
apply
company
.Submitted by ywb516 on
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coherence cohesion
The essay is well-structured with a clear introduction, body, and conclusion. However, to improve coherence, link sentences and paragraphs more explicitly by using a wider variety of cohesive devices. Avoid abrupt topic shifts.
task achievement
Develop a more nuanced argument by acknowledging possible counterarguments and refuting them. This will demonstrate a deeper understanding and add sophistication to the response.
coherence cohesion
Enhance your introduction and conclusion by stating your main points more explicitly and summarizing your stance more succinctly, which will give readers a clear and immediate understanding of your argument.
task achievement
Integrate examples seamlessly by explicitly stating how they support your main points. Doing so will strengthen the relevance and impact of your arguments.
Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
Linking words are very important in your essay.
To score effectively on your IELTS exam, you should make an effort to implement short concise sentences coupled with linking words.
Almost every sentence in your essay should have a linking word of some sort.
In fact, the only sentences that can omit linking words are your background sentence and thesis.
Linking word examples:
- firstly
- secondly
- thirdly
- in additional
- moreover
- also
- for example
- for instance
- therefore
- however
- although
- even though
- despite