IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 5

Information technology enables many people to do their work outside their workplace (e.g. at home, when travelling, etc.). Do the benefits of this mobility outweigh the disadvantages?

#information #technology #people #work #workplace #e #g #home #mobility
The post-modern era has created
many
Replace the quantifier
much
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 sophisticated information technology;
hence
, people can conduct their
work
 out of their workplaces. Even
thought
Correct your spelling
though
show examples
 the aforementioned phenomenon may lead to two drawbacks related to abominable social behaviour and miserable failure in their communications, I strongly believe that the issue offers more advantages that may intensely bring effectiveness and thriftiness. Information technology can lead to
an
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apply
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antisocial
behavior
Change the spelling
behaviour
show examples
.
This
 mental issue often influences how people act in their daily lives.
For instance
, employees in Jakarta
which
Correct pronoun usage
who
show examples
 have
work from
Add a hyphen
work-from-home
show examples
home
environment
Fix the agreement mistake
environments
show examples
 usually have difficulties to
migle
Correct your spelling
mingle
 with others because they are not accustomed to
socialize
Wrong verb form
socialising
show examples
 with people.
As a consequence
, their mental health is affected which often
decrease
Correct subject-verb agreement
decreases
show examples
 their
performances
Fix the agreement mistake
performance
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. It results in their absence because they have to visit their psychologists.
Additionally
, working from
home
 may distract their communication. Because they communicate with online tools,
such
 as Zoom and Google Meet, they often miss
understand
Change the verb form
understanding
show examples
about
Change preposition
apply
show examples
the topic of the meeting
due to
 the internet connection or unmatched schedule.
On the other hand
, the phenomenon may drain several advantages.
Firstly
,
work
Wrong verb form
working
show examples
 from
home
 can be the best solution for the effectiveness
in
Change preposition
of
show examples
 the company. Several
company
Change to a plural noun
companies
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 in Jakarta are reported to have less time to have
meeting
Fix the agreement mistake
meetings
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 rather than
common
Correct article usage
a common
show examples
 method.
As a result
, they can make conscious
bussiness
Correct your spelling
business
decision
Fix the agreement mistake
decisions
show examples
 faster than casual companies.
Therefore
, their companies have better financial reports which congruent with their growth.
Secondly
, employees may
also
 take frugal living behaviour as a side effect of
work
Wrong verb form
working
show examples
 from
home
. Because they do not have to spend money on transportation and food, they can save their money
to
Change preposition
on
show examples
 the urgent
one
Correct pronoun usage
ones
show examples
,
such
 as health and entertainment. In conclusion, the antimony of working outside the office surely
have
Correct subject-verb agreement
has
show examples
 contradictions.
Although
 the phenomenon
Correct subject-verb agreement
has
show examples
have
Correct subject-verb agreement
has
show examples
 several disadvantages, I consciously believe that the benefits
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
it
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
Correct subject-verb agreement
outweigh
show examples
outweighs
Correct subject-verb agreement
outweigh
show examples
 the drawbacks.
Submitted by misstiasclassroom on

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task achievement
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