Information technology enables many people to do their work outside their workplace (e.g. at home, when travelling, etc.). Do the benefits of this mobility outweigh the disadvantages?

✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
The post-modern era has created
many
Replace the quantifier
much
show examples
sophisticated information technology;
hence
Linking Words
, people can conduct their
work
Use synonyms
out of their workplaces. Even
thought
Correct your spelling
though
show examples
the aforementioned phenomenon may lead to two drawbacks related to abominable social behaviour and miserable failure in their communications, I strongly believe that the issue offers more advantages that may intensely bring effectiveness and thriftiness. Information technology can lead to
an
Remove the article
apply
show examples
antisocial
behavior
Change the spelling
behaviour
show examples
.
This
Linking Words
mental issue often influences how people act in their daily lives.
For instance
Linking Words
, employees in Jakarta
which
Correct pronoun usage
who
show examples
have
Use synonyms
work from
Add a hyphen
work-from-home
show examples
home
Use synonyms
environment
Fix the agreement mistake
environments
show examples
usually have difficulties to
migle
Correct your spelling
mingle
with others because they are not accustomed to
socialize
Wrong verb form
socialising
show examples
with people.
As a consequence
Linking Words
, their mental health is affected which often
decrease
Correct subject-verb agreement
decreases
show examples
their
performances
Fix the agreement mistake
performance
show examples
. It results in their absence because they have to visit their psychologists.
Additionally
Linking Words
, working from
home
Use synonyms
may distract their communication. Because they communicate with online tools,
such
Linking Words
as Zoom and Google Meet, they often miss
understand
Change the verb form
understanding
show examples
about
Change preposition
apply
show examples
the topic of the meeting
due to
Linking Words
the internet connection or unmatched schedule.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, the phenomenon may drain several advantages.
Firstly
Linking Words
,
Use synonyms
work
Wrong verb form
working
show examples
from
home
Use synonyms
can be the best solution for the effectiveness
in
Change preposition
of
show examples
the company. Several
company
Change to a plural noun
companies
show examples
in Jakarta are reported to have less time to have
meeting
Fix the agreement mistake
meetings
show examples
rather than
common
Correct article usage
a common
show examples
method.
As a result
Linking Words
, they can make conscious
bussiness
Correct your spelling
business
decision
Fix the agreement mistake
decisions
show examples
faster than casual companies.
Therefore
Linking Words
, their companies have better financial reports which congruent with their growth.
Secondly
Linking Words
, employees may
also
Linking Words
take frugal living behaviour as a side effect of
Use synonyms
work
Wrong verb form
working
show examples
from
home
Use synonyms
. Because they do not have to spend money on transportation and food, they can save their money
to
Change preposition
on
show examples
the urgent
one
Correct pronoun usage
ones
show examples
,
such
Linking Words
as health and entertainment. In conclusion, the antimony of working outside the office surely
have
Correct subject-verb agreement
has
show examples
contradictions.
Although
Linking Words
the phenomenon
Correct subject-verb agreement
has
show examples
have
Correct subject-verb agreement
has
show examples
several disadvantages, I consciously believe that the benefits
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
it
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
Correct subject-verb agreement
outweigh
show examples
outweighs
Correct subject-verb agreement
outweigh
show examples
the drawbacks.
Submitted by misstiasclassroom on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

coherence cohesion
Work on structuring your essay more logically. Your arguments should be clearly distinguished and each paragraph should contain a central idea that is expanded upon with supporting points. Make use of linking phrases and topic sentences to tie your ideas together better.
coherence cohesion
Ensure the introduction and conclusion encompass the main ideas of your essay. While you have presented them, push for a more compelling introduction that captures the essence of the topic and a conclusion that efficiently summarizes your stance.
task achievement
Use more developed examples and evidence to support your main points. Examples should be clearly relevant to the argument being made, and help to illustrate the point fully.
task achievement
Ensure that your response comprehensively addresses all parts of the task. Pay attention to the nuances of the question and tackle both sides of the argument if the prompt requires a discussion. This will demonstrate a full understanding of the task.
task achievement
It's crucial to express ideas clearly and with full development for each point. Avoid making overly general statements without elaborating on how they relate to the topic. Dive deeper into your ideas to provide comprehensive coverage.
What to do next:
Look at other essays: