IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 5

Information technology enables many people to do their work outside their workplace (e.g. at home, when travelling, etc.). Do the benefits of this mobility outweigh the disadvantages?

#information #technology #people #work #workplace #e #g #home #mobility
In
this
 state-of-the-art era, the development of technology can be useful and harmful, connecting and dividing.
This
 advancement has influenced the conventional ways of working because people are able to
work
 from
everywhere
Correct your spelling
anywhere
show examples
.
This
 essay will elaborate on the merits and demerits of
such
 development and show how the negative points outweigh the positive ones. On the one hand, the new idea of working from anywhere (WFA) may affect the social aspects among the employees.
This
 is
due to
 the fact that technology changed the way of meeting in person into
virtual
Correct article usage
a virtual
show examples
 one, confining them from social activities like face-to-face interactions. Not only do sophisticated meeting tools limit opportunities to meet directly, but
also
 hinder them
to create
Change preposition
from creating
show examples
 a tight-knit relationship with their colleagues. Beyond
this
 shortcoming,
WFA
Correct article usage
the WFA
show examples
 trend might
also
 reduce the effectiveness of working, if done
while
 travelling or doing other activities. Multitasking,
for instance
, can overwhelm people owing to the high intensity of their
work
.
On the other hand
, digital thriving can bring myriad benefits for both employees and employers.
Firstly
, the flexibility of
working
Correct article usage
the working
show examples
 environment will maximize workers’ duties as they can
work
 from their comfort places.
Secondly
, remote working can be beneficial in urgent
Fix the agreement mistake
conditions
show examples
condition
Fix the agreement mistake
conditions
show examples
. To illustrate, employers who need an immediate meeting do not need to meet their co-workers in
office
Add an article
the office
show examples
, thereby improving time efficiency. Indeed, these circumstances might offer people
with
Change preposition
apply
show examples
a
Remove the article
apply
show examples
great flexibility, but, these can cause multitasking activities which exceptionally influence the
work
 results. In conclusion,
although
 working from anywhere will be beneficial to create
desired
Add an article
a desired
show examples
 working environment for the workers, I believe that these phenomena may result in less compatible
team
Correct your spelling
teamwork
show examples
work
 and ineffectiveness of
work
.
Hence
, I believe the drawbacks surpass the benefits.
Submitted by misstiasclassroom on

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task achievement
Ensure that your introduction clearly presents the topic and your position in relation to the essay prompt. It would be beneficial to include a thesis statement that directly addresses the question and outlines the structure of the essay.
task achievement
Develop your main points by providing more specific examples and evidence to support your arguments. This will help you achieve a more comprehensive response to the essay prompt.
coherence cohesion
Attempt to create a more logical flow in your essay by using a range of cohesive devices and ensuring that each paragraph transitions smoothly to the next. This will enhance the overall coherence of your writing.
coherence cohesion
Make sure to conclude your essay with a clear restatement of your position and a summary of your main points. This solidifies your argument and rounds off your essay effectively.
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