In many countries, online shopping is becoming more and more popular. Some people think that this is having a negative impact on society. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#countries #people #impact #society

Public concern regarding an increase

Change preposition

show examples

purchasing goods and services via online platforms is increasingly topical. Some individuals argue that

this

activity has drawbacks in social lives. In response to

this

aforementioned issue, I thoroughly disagree that shopping through online shops

generate

Correct subject-verb agreement

generates

show examples

negative effects

due to

posititive

Correct your spelling

positive

developments in saving time and

money

Firstly

, utilizing online shops

while

buying needs and wants has a benefit because of less time-consuming. The reason is that individuals only

require

Wrong verb form

required

show examples

to download applications which offer a place to consumers and sellers doing

the

Correct article usage

apply

show examples

trading activities. These activities only consist of a few

minute

Change to a plural noun

minutes

show examples

for downloading and accomplishing

payment

Correct article usage

the payment

show examples

process compared to buying in shopping centers requiring more than one hour for transporting and completing

transactions

. Taking Indonesia as one example, nowadays individuals do not need to go outside and face traffic jams

for heading

Change preposition

to head

show examples

to shopping centres since they only utilize apps, namely

shopee

Change the capitalization

Shopee

show examples

which guarantees

about

Change preposition

apply

show examples

only 5 minutes to purchase

stuffs

Change the wording

stuff

kinds of stuff

pieces of stuff

show examples

Secondly

, buyers and sellers can get extra

money

while

using and trading from

online-shop

Correct your spelling

online shops

show examples

. The reason is that the apps, offering a place for buyers and sellers

doing

Change the verb form

to do

show examples

transactions

, provide extra discounts and cashbacks for their users.

Therefore

, not only they can receive their

stuffs

Change the wording

stuff

kinds of stuff

pieces of stuff

show examples

, but

also

they can get less expensive

price

Fix the agreement mistake

prices

show examples

and some

money

after finishing their

transactions

For example

, people making

transactions

via online-shop can get

cashbacks

Correct your spelling

cashback

at 25% and discounts

Change preposition

of up

show examples

Change preposition

of up

show examples

to 10% ,

thus

this

offering can save income

Change preposition

of around

show examples

around

Change preposition

of around

show examples

35% from the initial price.

To sum up

, buying goods and services

Change preposition

from

show examples

online-shops

Correct your spelling

online shops

show examples

have

Correct subject-verb agreement

has

show examples

several benefits,

for

instance

Add a comma

instance,

show examples

it offers time efficiency and

saving

Wrong verb form

saves

show examples

money

Submitted by akunyesikafikan1814 on Sat Jan 20 2024

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coherence cohesion

Include a wider range of complex structures in your sentences, and ensure each paragraph has a clear main idea supported by specific details.

task achievement

Expand on your ideas by including a broader discussion of potential negative impacts and refuting them with arguments. This will show a more balanced view and enhance task response.

Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

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11Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
2Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
25Grammar mistakes
 

4 paragraphs

270 words

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 6.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

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In many countries, online shopping is becoming more and more popular. Some people think that this is having a negative impact on society. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

The education of young people is the main priority in countries around the world. Some people believe that educating adults who cannot read or write is essential for the society and more funding should be made available for it. Do you agree or disagree?

In many countries governments are investing in new technology to deal with the public.Why is this happening?Do you think this is an appropriate use of government money.