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Band 2

Being a celebrity- such as famous film star or sports personality – brings problems as well as benefits. Do you think that being a celebrity brings more benefits or more problems?

#celebrity- #film #star #sports #personality #celebrity
We all know if we had a provision, it
is has
Wrong verb form
would have
show examples
their
Correct pronoun usage
its
show examples
 own difficulties. In
this
 case, I would explain my opinion about why celebrities
brings
Change the verb form
bring
show examples
 more
benefits
.
In
Change preposition
This
show examples
this
 days, it is easy
for being
Change preposition
to be
show examples
 a
celebrity
 or a famous person. A
celebrity
 has a big power to influence their fans. In my opinion, the
benefits
 are many people know us, and because of
that
Add a comma
that,
show examples
 we can easily
got
Change the verb form
get
show examples
 offering
about
Change preposition
apply
show examples
any job in the creative
industries
Fix the agreement mistake
industry
show examples
. Especially, when our interest in social media. Another
benefits
Replace the adjective
benefit
show examples
 for me is we can travel around the world for free, we just have to endorse the industry
in
Change preposition
on
show examples
 our platforms which is our platforms is big because we have so many followers. But with all those
benefits
 we can not deny that being a
celebrity
 does not have
a problems
Correct the article-noun agreement
a problem
problems
show examples
. But
i
Change the capitalization
I
show examples
 think, the problems of being a
celebrity
not
Add a missing verb
are not
show examples
 much as the
benefits
 we get.
Submitted by zefanyagyu on

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Structure
Ensure your essay follows a clear logical structure, with distinct paragraphs for the introduction, body, and conclusion. Avoid 'listing' style and develop your points fully.
Introduction/Conclusion
Include an introduction that clearly states your perspective on the topic, and a conclusion that summarizes your main points and restates your opinion.
Examples
Support your main points with detailed and relevant examples. Instead of general statements, use specific instances to illustrate the benefits or problems of being a celebrity.
Language
Work on grammatical accuracy and range of vocabulary to express your ideas more clearly. Read your essay after writing to check for errors and make revisions.
Task Response
Respond to all parts of the task by discussing both the benefits and problems of being a celebrity. Your response should cover both aspects to fully answer the question.
Idea Development
Develop your ideas comprehensively by elaborating on the reasons for your views, the implications, and counter-arguments. Avoid superficial treatment of the topic.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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