Some people believe that money for education mainly be spent on better computers while others believe it would be better on teachers. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

#people #money #education #computers #teachers

In the current

education

system

, some people argue that it is demanded to prioritize more budget on digitalization or providing sophisticated computers to students

while

some individuals believe that giving more salary to

teacher

Fix the agreement mistake

teachers

show examples

is more essential.

Therefore

, in

this

essay

Add a comma

essay,

show examples

I would like to give

meticulous

Add an article

a meticulous

show examples

explanation regarding both sides and explain why it is more urgent to provide higher

wage

Fix the agreement mistake

wages

show examples

the

Correct article usage

apply

show examples

teachers

so that our

education

system

can be better. It is argued that educational funding should give more priority to

school's

Change noun form

school

show examples

devices,

such

as computers or

laptop

Fix the agreement mistake

laptops

show examples

This

technology could help students to acquire more knowledge and, if possible, download

Correct the article-noun agreement

apply

show examples

trusted journals as

source

Add an article

a source

show examples

informations

Change the wording

information

pieces of information

show examples

Consequenly

Correct your spelling

Consequently

, pupils will do their homework more diligently.

However

, in

this

era

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era,

show examples

teachers

are not paid well enough to do their jobs.

For instance

, the amount of salary from a local

teacher

Indonesia

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in Indonesia

show examples

is still in the range of 500.000 - 3.000.000 rupiah. The number is quite low compared to the

neightbourhood

Correct your spelling

neighbourhood

countries, let's say Malaysia and Thailand, that pay their

teachers

more than 5 million

rupiah

Change to a plural noun

rupiahs

show examples

Therefore

, educational money allocation should be spent more

Change preposition

show examples

providing better prosperity to the

teachers

Moreover

, in my perception, when

the

Correct article usage

apply

show examples

educators have enough money they will be more serious

in giving

Verb problem

about

show examples

Remove the article

apply

show examples

learning.

For example

, I have a friend who used to be a contract

teacher

with

low

Correct article usage

a low

show examples

income and he seemed to always complain about his job.

As a result

, he did not take his job seriously.

However

, when he was offered a permanent and got

promotion

Add an article

a promotion

the promotion

show examples

, he became a superlative

teacher

This

proves that giving more attention to

teachers

' income will improve our

education

system

To conclude

, budget allocation in

education

can be utilized in providing better computers or

higer

Correct your spelling

higher

salary

Fix the agreement mistake

salaries

show examples

to the

teachers

. Both sides have their own benefits,

nevertheless

Add a comma

nevertheless,

show examples

I believe that giving better prosperity to educators will improve our

education

system

Submitted by ru.kabiru.biru on Sat Jan 20 2024

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Task Achievement

Ensure that examples provided are relevant and specific. In this essay, more detailed examples could be used to illustrate points about the importance of teacher salaries or the impact of technology in education. Instead of mentioning a friend's anecdote, which may not be universally relatable, consider using a broader study or statistic to support your viewpoint.

Coherence & Cohesion

The essay shows a good command of coherence, maintaining a logical flow of ideas. However, it's important to make clearer distinctions between paragraphs and ensure each paragraph focuses on a singular main point. Use transitional phrases to enhance the flow between ideas and provide clear topic sentences for each paragraph.

Coherence & Cohesion

The introduction and conclusion are present and articulate the main points and the author's opinion. Still, these sections could be strengthened by providing a more detailed background and a stronger restatement of the main argument in the conclusion. A more engaging hook at the beginning could also enhance the impact of your essay.

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11Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
4Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
24Grammar mistakes
 

5 paragraphs

315 words

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 5.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

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Topic Vocabulary:

interactive learning
tailored education
adaptive learning programs
distance learning
qualified teachers
immediate feedback
teaching methods
learning styles
social skills
balanced investment
modernize education
educational needs
emotional intelligence

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Some people believe that money for education mainly be spent on better computers while others believe it would be better on teachers. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

In recent times, economic growth has helped many become richer, both in developed and developing countries. However, those in developed countries are not as happy as they were in the past. Why is this? What can be learned from this?

Some people say that musci is a good way of bringing people of different cultures and ages together. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this opinion?

In many developing countries, there is an increasing movement of workers from rural areas into cities. Why do you think this happen? What problems can this cause.

In many countries around the world , rural people are moving to cities ,so the population in the country side is decreasing Do you think it is a positive or a negative development

In some societies, more and more people are deciding to live alone. Why do you think this is? Do the advantages of living alone outweigh the disadvantages?