Some people believe that money for education mainly be spent on better computers while others believe it would be better on teachers. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

#people #money #education #computers #teachers

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In the current

education

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system

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, some people argue that it is demanded to prioritize more budget on digitalization or providing sophisticated computers to students

while

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some individuals believe that giving more salary to

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teacher

Fix the agreement mistake

teachers

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is more essential.

Therefore

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, in

this

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essay

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essay,

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I would like to give

meticulous

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a meticulous

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explanation regarding both sides and explain why it is more urgent to provide higher

wage

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wages

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the

Correct article usage

apply

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teachers

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so that our

education

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system

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can be better. It is argued that educational funding should give more priority to

school's

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school

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devices,

such

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as computers or

laptop

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laptops

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This

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technology could help students to acquire more knowledge and, if possible, download

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apply

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trusted journals as

source

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a source

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informations

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information

pieces of information

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Consequenly

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Consequently

, pupils will do their homework more diligently.

However

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, in

this

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era

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era,

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teachers

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are not paid well enough to do their jobs.

For instance

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, the amount of salary from a local

teacher

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Indonesia

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in Indonesia

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is still in the range of 500.000 - 3.000.000 rupiah. The number is quite low compared to the

neightbourhood

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neighbourhood

countries, let's say Malaysia and Thailand, that pay their

teachers

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more than 5 million

rupiah

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rupiahs

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Therefore

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, educational money allocation should be spent more

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providing better prosperity to the

teachers

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Moreover

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, in my perception, when

the

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apply

show examples

educators have enough money they will be more serious

in giving

Verb problem

about

show examples

Remove the article

apply

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learning.

For example

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, I have a friend who used to be a contract

teacher

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with

low

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a low

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income and he seemed to always complain about his job.

As a result

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, he did not take his job seriously.

However

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, when he was offered a permanent and got

promotion

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a promotion

the promotion

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, he became a superlative

teacher

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This

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proves that giving more attention to

teachers

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' income will improve our

education

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system

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To conclude

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, budget allocation in

education

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can be utilized in providing better computers or

higer

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higher

salary

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salaries

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to the

teachers

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. Both sides have their own benefits,

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nevertheless

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nevertheless,

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I believe that giving better prosperity to educators will improve our

education

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system

Use synonyms

Submitted by ru.kabiru.biru on Sat Jan 20 2024

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Task Achievement

Ensure that examples provided are relevant and specific. In this essay, more detailed examples could be used to illustrate points about the importance of teacher salaries or the impact of technology in education. Instead of mentioning a friend's anecdote, which may not be universally relatable, consider using a broader study or statistic to support your viewpoint.

Coherence & Cohesion

The essay shows a good command of coherence, maintaining a logical flow of ideas. However, it's important to make clearer distinctions between paragraphs and ensure each paragraph focuses on a singular main point. Use transitional phrases to enhance the flow between ideas and provide clear topic sentences for each paragraph.

Coherence & Cohesion

The introduction and conclusion are present and articulate the main points and the author's opinion. Still, these sections could be strengthened by providing a more detailed background and a stronger restatement of the main argument in the conclusion. A more engaging hook at the beginning could also enhance the impact of your essay.

11
Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
4
Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
24
Grammar mistakes
detected issues

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 5.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

5 paragraphs

315 words

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Topic Vocabulary:

interactive learning
tailored education
adaptive learning programs
distance learning
qualified teachers
immediate feedback
teaching methods
learning styles
social skills
balanced investment
modernize education
educational needs
emotional intelligence

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Some people believe that money for education mainly be spent on better computers while others believe it would be better on teachers. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

It is important to give children an opportunity to become independent and make decisions from early age. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

Formal examinations are the only effective way to assess a student's performance. Continual assessment, such as coursework and projects, is not a satisfactory way to do this. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement?

Young people are more likely to be involved in car accidents, therefore the legal driving age should be raised to 22 years old. Do you agree or disagree with this statement?

Some university students want to learn about other subjects in addition to their main subjects. Others believe it is more important to give all their time and attention to studying for a qualification. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.