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Band 4.5

Nowadays, most countries can improve the standard of living through economic development, but some social values are lost as a result. Do you think the advantages of this phenomenon outweigh the disadvantages?

#countries #development #values #phenomenon
In
cutting-edge
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a cutting-edge
the cutting-edge
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 era, even though the standard of living in the majority of nations can be developed by economic enhancement, it led to
Correct article usage
the lost
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lost
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loss
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plenty
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of plenty
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 of social values. I personally think that the drawback of
this
 trend outweighs the benefits. One of
positive
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the positive
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impact
Fix the agreement mistake
impacts
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 of economic development is an increase in the standard of living. Members of society who live in countries
progress
Correct pronoun usage
that progress
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 economically, will undertake a rise
of
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in
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 salary, and obtain better access
in
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to
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 education, health, and basic
need
Fix the agreement mistake
needs
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. Meanwhile, the pursuit of economic advancement
brings
Verb problem
has
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negative
Correct article usage
a negative
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 impact
for
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on
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 social life. The community become focused on material wealth and consumerism despite social values like family bonds, traditional
event
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events
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 and cultural heritage will be negligible.
For example
,
USA
Correct article usage
the USA
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 is super
power
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superpower
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 country which
provide
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provides
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 a lot of facilities and
high
Correct article usage
a high
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 standard
life
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of life
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. Individuals
is
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apply
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who stay there will attain more than $83,000 per year
although
 employment
do
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does
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 not have a lot of free time.
As a result
, the
member
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members
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 of
family
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the family
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 can not spend time together and it makes the country known as
low
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a low
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 parental figure.
Furthermore
,
the
Correct article usage
apply
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economic improvement brings communities to
new
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a new
the new
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 era
that is
 known as
advance
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advanced
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 technology.
This day
Correct your spelling
Today
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, everyone
could
Wrong verb form
can
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 access and share information
fast
Rephrase
quickly
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.
However
,
this
 positive development
also
gives suffer
Verb problem
has a severe
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 effect
for
Change preposition
on
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 mental health like anxiety, depression, and frustration.
For instance
, Korea is one of
developed
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the developed
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 countries and
central
Add a missing verb
is central
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of
Change preposition
to
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 technology.
This
 country
also
 is known
as
Change preposition
for
show examples
 cyberbullying
that is
Verb problem
which
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recorded
Wrong verb form
records
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 54 thousand
of
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apply
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cases every year. Where victims of bullying
in
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on
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 social media feel
depression
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depressed
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 and end up committing suicide.
Inclusion
Correct your spelling
Conclusion
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, in
state of art
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the state-of-the-art
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 era most
of
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apply
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nations focus
to improve
Change preposition
on improving
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 their living standards using economic progress
while
 the loss of social values ought to
consider
Wrong verb form
be considered
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due to
 development. I strongly believe that
positive
Correct article usage
a positive
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 point is less
then
Replace the word
than
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negative
Correct article usage
a negative
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 point.
Nevertheless
,
If
Correct word choice
apply
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the government can create the best policies to protect and prevent negative potential from communities
such
 as loss
family
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of family
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relationship
Fix the agreement mistake
relationships
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 and mental illness. The advancement of
economic
Replace the word
economics
show examples
generate
Change the verb form
generates
show examples
 comfortable circumstances and many benefits for societies.
Submitted by misstiasclassroom on

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Task Achievement
To enhance Task Achievement, ensure that you fully develop your arguments and ideas. Your essay should offer a balanced discussion of both the advantages and disadvantages of economic development on social values. Additionally, it's important that your position is clear throughout the essay. Make sure your conclusion reflects the arguments presented.
Coherence & Cohesion
To improve coherence and cohesion, work on organizing your ideas more logically and creating smoother transitions between them. Utilize a clear topic sentence at the beginning of each paragraph and make sure each subsequent sentence builds on the main idea introduced. Moreover, use a wider range of linking words and phrases to connect ideas within and across sentences and paragraphs.
Coherence & Cohesion
To boost your introduction and conclusion, ensure that they clearly outline the discussion and summarise your viewpoint, respectively. The introduction should briefly present the main topics that will be discussed, while the conclusion should succinctly recap the main points and restate your opinion.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • standard of living
  • economic development
  • social values
  • materialism
  • community welfare
  • sustainable technologies
  • environmental degradation
  • social stratification
  • social cohesion
  • economic status
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