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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The chart below shows the annual number of rentals and sales ( in various formats) of films from a particular store between 2002 and 2011. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

The chart below shows the annual number of rentals and sales ( in various formats) of films from a particular store between 2002 and 2011. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.
#rentals #sales #formats #films #store #summarise #information #features #comparisons
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The chart gives
Correct your spelling
the
show examples
th e
Correct your spelling
the
show examples
 annual
amount
Use synonyms
 of rentals and
sales
Use synonyms
 of films
in
Change preposition
from
show examples
 2002 until 2011 from a specific store it shows the downtrend of film rentals in the specific store from 2002 until 2011. With
identical
Add an article
the identical
an identical
show examples
 pattern, VHS which started
in
Change preposition
with
show examples
smaller
Add an article
a smaller
the smaller
show examples
amount
Use synonyms
 of
sales
Use synonyms
also
Linking Words
 shows
downtrend
Correct article usage
a downtrend
show examples
 and
then
Linking Words
 disappeared after 2005,
while
Linking Words
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
DVD
sales
Use synonyms
start
Wrong verb form
started
show examples
 its momentum from 50,000
sales
Use synonyms
 in 2002 to
reach
Wrong verb form
reaching
show examples
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
 peak in 2007 with up to 210,000
sales
Use synonyms
 per
years
Fix the agreement mistake
year
show examples
. But after it
reach
Wrong verb form
reached
show examples
it
Change the pronoun
its
show examples
 peak in 2007, the DVD
sales
Use synonyms
 slowly downcreasing until 2011.
However
Linking Words
 Blu-ray
sales
Use synonyms
emerging
Wrong verb form
emerged
show examples
 in 2007 with only under 10,000
sales
Use synonyms
 per year until 2010, It steadily
rising
Wrong verb form
rose
show examples
 until reaching 15,000
sales
Use synonyms
 per year in 2011. In summary, the annual
amount
Use synonyms
 of DVD
sales
Use synonyms
were
Change the verb form
was
show examples
 dominant in all the years
although
Linking Words
 it constantly
drop
Wrong verb form
dropped
show examples
 after 2007
while
Linking Words
blu-ray
Change the capitalization
Blu-ray
show examples
sales
Use synonyms
 appeared and it was the lowest
amount
Use synonyms
 of
sales
Use synonyms
.
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Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "while".
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Vocabulary: Replace the words amount, sales with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "shows" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "amount" was used 4 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "reach" was used 2 times.
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