Nowadays, an increasing number of people with health problems are using alternative medicines and treatments instead of visiting their normal doctor. Do you think this is a positive or negative development?

#people #health #alternative #medicines #treatments #doctor #development

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These days, most patients have decided to use medicines on their own

instead

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of the doctors' prescriptions. From my point of view, using medicines without adequate knowledge in

this

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case can have far-reaching consequences.

Thus

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, it is completely a negative development, and I will discuss my reasons below.

To begin

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with, in almost all cases, it can cause death or disabilities. In fact, ordinary people choose and use drugs based on what they have heard or seen before

although

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they do not know about the side effects or limitations that drugs have.

In addition

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, they may recognize the problem wrongly as distinguishing various diseases is on doctors and professional ones.

For example

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, someone who gets cold has the same signs compared to one who gets influenza or various-based diseases. Morover, some believe that traditional ways are more effective than artificial methods.

As a result

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, they may start using herbal teas and home remedies which never can have impacts on chronic diseases,

such

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as cancer.

In other words

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, people just make the situation worse until they lose a sick person.

To sum up

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, not visiting a doctor

while

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people are sick leads them to home remedies or wrong drug usage which can not only make them sicker, but

also

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kill them.

Submitted by Raeisinarges1995 on Sat Jan 20 2024

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coherence cohesion

To improve the logical structure, ensure that each paragraph has a clear main idea and that all sentences within the paragraph support that idea. Use transition words to guide the reader smoothly from one point to the next.

coherence cohesion

While the introduction and conclusion are present, they could be strengthened by providing a more precise thesis statement in the introduction and a clearer summarization of your main points in the conclusion.

coherence cohesion

Support main points with more detailed examples and explanations. Ensure that each point made is expanded upon with either reasoning or specific examples to illustrate your argument.

task achievement

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Develop your ideas more comprehensively by offering deeper insight and more nuanced arguments. Consider potential counterarguments and address them within your essay.

task achievement

Include more relevant and specific examples to support your arguments. This will demonstrate your understanding of the topic and enhance the persuasiveness of your essay.

Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

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13
Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
0
Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
0
Grammar mistakes
detected issues

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 9.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 6.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 5.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

4 paragraphs

210 words

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Topic Vocabulary:

alternative medicines
treatments
positive development
negative development
health problems
usual doctor
access
personalized approach
holistic well-being
lack of regulation
evidence-based research
proper medical treatment

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Nowadays, an increasing number of people with health problems are using alternative medicines and treatments instead of visiting their normal doctor. Do you think this is a positive or negative development?

Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

While many people go to university for academic study, more people should be encouraged to do vocational training because there is a lack of qualified workers such as electricians and plumbers. Do you agree or disagree?

“Modern forms of communication such as email and messaging have reduced the amount of time people spend seeing their friends. This has a negative effect on their social lives. To what extent do you agree or disagree?”

Some people think painting and drawings are important as other subjects. They should be compulsory in high school education. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

Some people think that it is beneficial for children to play games online, while others think that it can be harmful for children. Do you think the advantages outweigh the disadvantages?