IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 4

Some people think that the government should give money to creative people, such as artists and musicians. To what extent do you agree?

#people #government #money #artists #musicians
In some countries, more and more
people
 are becoming interested in finding out about the history of the house or building they live in. What are the reasons? How can
people
 research
this
? In a number of countries,
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
society is becoming more inclined to search the past of
their
Change the word
the
show examples
 properties where they live
in
Change preposition
apply
show examples
. From my point of view, it may be because nowadays,
people
 sympathize
vintage
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with vintage
show examples
 things or
a
Correct the article-noun agreement
apply
show examples
meaningful stories which can touch their
soul
Fix the agreement mistake
souls
show examples
. There are plenty of ways to do that.
Initially
,
while
changings
Correct your spelling
changes
show examples
 in technology
are
Wrong verb form
were
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 increasing,
people
 started to renew all the things around them. Meanwhile, that made human beings
to
Change preposition
apply
show examples
longing
from
Change preposition
for
show examples
 the past when they were happy and everything was easier. They wanted to hear a meaningful narrative which they needed to feed their souls.
Thus
, they
required
Add a missing verb
are required
show examples
 to search past
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
their house in order to
love
Correct your spelling
live
show examples
 there and find a meaning where they live.
For example
, I was in high school and
that
Change preposition
at that
show examples
 time we used to live in a house in another city. One day, I saw a building next to ours. It was abandoned and I started to wonder why
this
 building was still there, is there a story about why it is empty
.
Change the punctuation
?
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 But the truth is I was just looking
something
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for something
show examples
 interesting to feel closer to our new neighbourhood.
In addition
, humans are able to use
internet
Add an article
the internet
show examples
,
books
Correct word choice
and books
show examples
 or they can ask local
people
 who live there. There are a great number of ways to do that because
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
technology did not just
bringed
Correct your spelling
bringing
bring
this
 vintage longing, but
also
bringed
Correct your spelling
brought
show examples
 a great way to search
anything
Change preposition
for anything
show examples
. Yet still, potentially asking native
people
 is a better way to learn the story we desire.
To conclude
, by the time,
people
 started to look past in order to find something meaningful and there are so many ways to do that.
Submitted by fatmanurdonertas on

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task achievement
To improve Task Achievement, ensure you address all parts of the prompt fully. This includes discussing the reasons why people might be interested in the history of their house or building, as well as how they can research this. Include more detailed and relevant examples to support your points.
coherence cohesion
For Coherence and Cohesion, aim to link your ideas more clearly and provide a clearer progression between them. Introduce distinct paragraphs for each main point and use cohesive devices to link them.
coherence cohesion
Make sure the introduction and conclusion are well-defined and echo each other, representing the main topic and your viewpoints succinctly. Try to refine and explicitly restate your thesis in the conclusion.
coherence cohesion
Support your main points with specific examples and explanations making sure they are relevant to the question. Avoid anecdotes that do not contribute to the question's answer directly.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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