Young people are often influenced in their behaviors by others in the same age group. Some argue that peer pressure is important while others feel it has distinct disadvantages. Do the disadvantages of peer pressure outweigh the advantages?

Nowadays,
Young
Correct article usage
the Young
show examples
generation
become influenced by their same age
group
behaviours so it
increase
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increases
show examples
peer
pressure
to
Change preposition
on
show examples
them. Some
people
argue that
peer
pressure
is a matter to them
while
some
people
disagree
that
Change preposition
with that
show examples
statement. The topic will
discuss
Wrong verb form
be discussed
show examples
with both
point
Change to a plural noun
points
show examples
of view with relevant facts.
Due to many
Change preposition
Many
show examples
young
generation
are
materialist
Fix the agreement mistake
materialists
show examples
that is
the reason why they become very competitive
each
Change preposition
with each
show examples
other.
Young
Add an article
The young
show examples
generation
are very attracted to
use
Wrong verb form
using
show examples
latest
Correct article usage
the latest
show examples
devices they
illure
Correct your spelling
ensure
that it
make
Change the verb form
makes
show examples
them more rich and popular among their
friends
. For
instant
Add an article
an instant
show examples
, one of their
friend
Change to a plural noun
friends
show examples
wear
fashionable
Add an article
a fashionable
the fashionable
show examples
dress, the other
also
would like to dress up the same way and
unfortunately
Add a comma
unfortunately,
show examples
they feel
jeoulsy
Correct your spelling
jealousy
that they got
peer
pressure
from it.
However
, most of
young
Add an article
the young
show examples
people
are very good at observation and they have
a brilliant innovative ideas
Correct the article-noun agreement
brilliant innovative ideas
a brilliant innovative idea
show examples
. When
analyze
Wrong verb form
analysing
show examples
the data of popularity in social media, half of the
people
are young
generation
. At a
conseqence
Correct your spelling
consequence
, other young
people
can get motivation from them and they will gain their confidence and
knowledege
Correct your spelling
knowledge
.
On the other hand
, many
people
change their
manner
Fix the agreement mistake
manners
show examples
and
habbit
Correct your spelling
habits
due to
their environment.
This
is why young
people
can easily influenced by their
friends
or
friends
group
. They would like to test everything surrounding them, like smoking, drinking and using drugs. If
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
one person is using
drug
Fix the agreement mistake
drugs
show examples
in their
group
, the other person would like to know.
Although
it has disadvantages, some
people
may change bad
habbits
Correct your spelling
habits
to good
habbits
Correct your spelling
habits
because of their
same
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
age
group
. They are more
enthuasiam
Correct your spelling
enthusiasm
to study harder like their
friends
, they may be more interested in
athletis
Correct your spelling
athletics
athletes
and become more
knoweledgable
Correct your spelling
knowledgeable
knowledgable
. It
give
Change the verb form
gives
show examples
them
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
pressure
but it would be a great benefit for them. To
be conclude
Change the verb form
conclude
show examples
, young
people
can easily
influenced
Change the verb form
influence
show examples
by their
surroundings
Change noun form
surrounding's
surroundings'
show examples
behaviors
Change the spelling
behaviours
show examples
that lead to
peer
pressure
for them but it is hard to say only advantages or disadvantages by looking from different perspectives.
Submitted by cupidzunzun on

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coherence cohesion
To improve coherence and cohesion, consider organizing your essay more clearly with distinct paragraphs that include an introduction, body paragraphs, each with a central idea, and a conclusion. Ensure your paragraphs are logically connected, and use a range of cohesive devices appropriately, such as linking words and phrases.
task achievement
For task achievement, ensure you are directly addressing the question prompt by discussing whether the disadvantages of peer pressure outweigh the advantages. Provide a balanced argument with clear examples supporting both sides, and make sure to give a clear conclusion reflecting your own opinion on the matter.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • influence
  • behavior
  • age group
  • peer pressure
  • distinct
  • advantages
  • disadvantages
  • motivate
  • excel
  • positive behaviors
  • substance abuse
  • bullying
  • risky activities
  • belonging
  • acceptance
  • anxiety
  • stress
  • low self-esteem
  • conform
  • individuality
  • personal growth
  • decision-making skills
  • situations
  • resist
  • healthy balance
  • personal development
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