Young people are often influenced in their behaviors by others in the same age group. Some argue that peer pressure is important while others feel it has distinct disadvantages. Do the disadvantages of peer pressure outweigh the advantages?

#people #behaviors #age #group #argue #peer #pressure

Nowadays,

Young

Correct article usage

the Young

show examples

generation

become influenced by their same age

group

behaviours so it

increase

Change the verb form

increases

show examples

peer

pressure

Change preposition

show examples

them. Some

people

argue that

peer

pressure

is a matter to them

while

some

people

disagree

that

Change preposition

with that

show examples

statement. The topic will

discuss

Wrong verb form

be discussed

show examples

with both

point

Change to a plural noun

points

show examples

of view with relevant facts.

Due to many

Change preposition

Many

show examples

young

generation

are

materialist

Fix the agreement mistake

materialists

show examples

that is

the reason why they become very competitive

each

Change preposition

with each

show examples

other.

Young

Add an article

The young

show examples

generation

are very attracted to

use

Wrong verb form

using

show examples

latest

Correct article usage

the latest

show examples

devices they

illure

Correct your spelling

ensure

that it

make

Change the verb form

makes

show examples

them more rich and popular among their

friends

. For

instant

Add an article

an instant

show examples

, one of their

friend

Change to a plural noun

friends

show examples

wear

fashionable

Add an article

a fashionable

the fashionable

show examples

dress, the other

also

would like to dress up the same way and

unfortunately

Add a comma

unfortunately,

show examples

they feel

jeoulsy

Correct your spelling

jealousy

that they got

peer

pressure

from it.

However

, most of

young

Add an article

the young

show examples

people

are very good at observation and they have

a brilliant innovative ideas

Correct the article-noun agreement

brilliant innovative ideas

a brilliant innovative idea

show examples

. When

analyze

Wrong verb form

analysing

show examples

the data of popularity in social media, half of the

people

are young

generation

. At a

conseqence

Correct your spelling

consequence

, other young

people

can get motivation from them and they will gain their confidence and

knowledege

Correct your spelling

knowledge

On the other hand

, many

people

change their

manner

Fix the agreement mistake

manners

show examples

and

habbit

Correct your spelling

habits

due to

their environment.

This

is why young

people

can easily influenced by their

friends

group

. They would like to test everything surrounding them, like smoking, drinking and using drugs. If

the

Correct article usage

apply

show examples

one person is using

drug

Fix the agreement mistake

drugs

show examples

in their

group

, the other person would like to know.

Although

it has disadvantages, some

people

may change bad

habbits

Correct your spelling

habits

to good

habbits

Correct your spelling

habits

because of their

same

Correct word choice

apply

show examples

age

group

. They are more

enthuasiam

Correct your spelling

enthusiasm

to study harder like their

friends

, they may be more interested in

athletis

Correct your spelling

athletics

athletes

and become more

knoweledgable

Correct your spelling

knowledgeable

knowledgable

. It

give

Change the verb form

gives

show examples

them

Correct article usage

apply

show examples

pressure

but it would be a great benefit for them. To

be conclude

Change the verb form

conclude

show examples

, young

people

can easily

influenced

Change the verb form

influence

show examples

by their

surroundings

Change noun form

surrounding's

surroundings'

show examples

behaviors

Change the spelling

behaviours

show examples

that lead to

peer

pressure

for them but it is hard to say only advantages or disadvantages by looking from different perspectives.

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coherence cohesion

To improve coherence and cohesion, consider organizing your essay more clearly with distinct paragraphs that include an introduction, body paragraphs, each with a central idea, and a conclusion. Ensure your paragraphs are logically connected, and use a range of cohesive devices appropriately, such as linking words and phrases.

task achievement

For task achievement, ensure you are directly addressing the question prompt by discussing whether the disadvantages of peer pressure outweigh the advantages. Provide a balanced argument with clear examples supporting both sides, and make sure to give a clear conclusion reflecting your own opinion on the matter.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

Summary
Restatement of thesis
Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

In conclusion
To conclude
To summarize
Finally
In a nutshell
In general

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8Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
6Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
40Grammar mistakes
 

4 paragraphs

319 words

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 5.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 4.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

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Topic Vocabulary:

influence
behavior
age group
peer pressure
distinct
advantages
disadvantages
motivate
excel
positive behaviors
substance abuse
bullying
risky activities
belonging
acceptance
anxiety
stress
low self-esteem
conform
individuality
personal growth
decision-making skills
situations
resist
healthy balance
personal development

What to do next:

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Young people are often influenced in their behaviors by others in the same age group. Some argue that peer pressure is important while others feel it has distinct disadvantages. Do the disadvantages of peer pressure outweigh the advantages?

Include an introduction and conclusion

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

It will be better to have wide use of driverless cars for individuals and society. To what extent do you agree or disagree with the statement?

In the opinion of some people, internet has narrowed the gap among people in the world by increasing social interaction. To what extent do you agree/disagree with this view?

In the present era, children are found to have fewer responsibilities than they used to in the past time. Some people consider it a positive development; however, some other people believe it to be a negative trend. Discuss both views and give your own opinion

In many countries around the world, rural people are moving to cities, so the population in the countryside is decreasing. Do you think this is a positive or a negative development

Some people believe that professionals, such as doctors and engineers, should be required to work in the country where they did their training. Others believe they should be free to work in another country if they wish. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.