In some countries, more and more adults are living with their parents after graduating from college, University or even after finding a job. Do the advantages of this outweigh disadvantages ?
Whether adults live with their families is a recurring argument.
This
writer argues that the benefits of saving money and taking carr
of Correct your spelling
care
parents
outweigh the drawbacks of over depending
.
The most advantageous factor of living with Add a hyphen
over-depending
parents
is that it allows people
to save money for livelihood. In other words
, due to
urbanization and inflation, the cost of living is reportedly increasing in this
day and age. Thus
, living with parents
can help people
limit their expenditure on food or accommodation as parents
will pay for these spendings. As a result
, people
will have a large amount of possessions which is vital for their lives and future.
Another point should
Correct pronoun usage
that should
also
be considered is parents
' healthcare. It must be recognised that people
who live close to their parents
can manage their parents
' diet as well as
their health. Furthermore
, when parents
have an accident in
Change preposition
apply
urgent
, Change the word
urgently
people
can immediately take their parents
to the nearest hospital. As a result
, parents
will be protected from illness and healthcare problems when they get older.
However
, some people
think that living together with
parents
will make people
dependent on their parents
. This
is because most parents
want to control their children's lives to ensure they won't be naughty and make a wrong decision. This
may be true but living with your parents
will go a long in preventing you from social evils as well as
when you encounter a problem, your parents
will give you some useful advice because they have more valuable experience in solving the issues.
Taking all points into account, the possible impact of depending too much on parents
is outweighed
the benefits of saving money and looking after Wrong verb form
outweighs
parents
. Hence
, living with parents
after graduating from higher education or applying for an occupation is more beneficial for adults.Submitted by 11E4 Community on
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coherence cohesion
Make sure that your essay has a clear introduction, body, and conclusion. Your essay seems to have these components, but the conclusion can be clearer in summarizing the main points.
coherence cohesion
Use a range of cohesive devices (linking words) to connect ideas and paragraphs. While you do use some, try to include a greater variety for logical structuring.
coherence cohesion
Develop your main points by supporting them with specific examples. You mentioned saving money and taking care of parents as advantages, so provide concrete examples or data to back these points up.
task achievement
Fully address the task by discussing both advantages and disadvantages. Ensure the response provides a balanced view by exploring both sides in equal measure, followed by a conclusion that reflects this balance.
task achievement
Express your ideas clearly and comprehensively. You've done this relatively well, but some sentences could be clearer. Avoid convoluted sentence structures to maintain clarity.
task achievement
Include more relevant specific examples to support your claims. While you've addressed the points, the examples given are somewhat vague and could be more detailed to enhance the response.
Fully explain your ideas
To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).
For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:
- Paragraph 1 - Introduction
- Sentence 1 - Background statement
- Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
- Sentence 3 - Thesis
- Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
- Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
- Sentence 1 - Summary
- Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
- Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation
Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.