IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 3

In some areas of US, a ‘curfew’ is imposed, in which teenagers are not allowed to be out of doors after a particular time at night unless they are companied by an adult. What is your opinion about this?

#areas #‘curfew’ #teenagers #doors #time #night #adult
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There are some areas in the United
State
Fix the agreement mistake
States
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 where the
rule
 curfew is enforced for
adolescence
Fix the agreement mistake
adolescents
show examples
that
Correct word choice
so that
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 they
could not
Wrong verb form
cannot
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 go out after
certain
Correct article usage
a certain
show examples
 time at night unless their adult
company
Correct your spelling
accompany
show examples
 them. I believe
this
rule
 is definitely useful
for
Change preposition
apply
show examples
in
the
Correct article usage
apply
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America. The US is
one
 of country in the world which has
high
Correct article usage
a high
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 rate
crimes
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of crimes
show examples
.
One
 of the
reason
Change to a plural noun
reasons
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 that
increase
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increases
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 the level of crime is that individuals could carry various
kind
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kinds
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 of
weapon
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weapons
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 without any specific permission. If Americans can purchase a gun and
carrying
Wrong verb form
carry
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 it, they would shoot
to
Change preposition
at
show examples
any
Correct your spelling
anyone
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one
 and
runaway
Correct your spelling
run away
show examples
specially
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especially
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 at night because the darkness could help
criminal
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criminals
show examples
 to disappear as soon as possible.
Hence
this
 place are so unsafe for teenagers.
Moreover
,
this
rule
 which is restricting for
teen
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teens
show examples
 could
be help
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help
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 parents to control their children better. Most of
immatures
Add an article
the immatures
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 might not pay attention to their family concern and, they want to stay
outdoor
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outdoors
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 until midnight.
Therefore
 whenever children
may
Verb problem
apply
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want to stay out at night they would be with
one
 of
family
Add an article
a family
the family
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member
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members
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 who is mature.
Besides
 curfew is
one
 of the way that society learn
immature
Correct word choice
apply
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to
rule
abide
Correct word choice
and abide
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. to clarify, if children learn to obey the rules they will not break them in the future.
To sum up
,
enforce
Wrong verb form
enforcing
show examples
 some
curfew
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curfews
show examples
 for teen in some
country
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countries
show examples
have
Correct subject-verb agreement
has
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 a lot of
beneficial
Replace the word
benefits
show examples
 for them and their family and I believe
this
rule
 is so practical in the US.
Submitted by reyhaneh.darash on

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development
Develop your main points more fully with explanations and relevant examples.
cohesion
Use a wider range of cohesive devices and paragraphing to better organize your ideas and arguments.
task response
Focus on addressing the task more directly by providing a balanced discussion on the issue of curfews for teenagers.
grammar
It is important to proofread your essay to correct grammatical errors and improve sentence structures.
vocabulary
Use a more diverse vocabulary to better express your points and make arguments more compelling.

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For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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