Some people think the government should pay for healthcare and education, but others believe it is not the government's responsibility. Discuss both views and give your opinion?

The presence of The Corruption Eradication Commission (abbreviated
KPK
) to postpone public
contract
Fix the agreement mistake
contracts
show examples
(government
procurement
) frequently leaves problems for
company
Fix the agreement mistake
companies
show examples
(
provider
Fix the agreement mistake
providers
show examples
goods
Change preposition
of goods
show examples
or services). Based on Art 12 (f)
Act
No. 19 of 2019,
KPK
can postpone temporarily financial transactions, trade transactions and other forms of
contract
, etc., for the investigation interest because of the corruption allegation during
contract
implementation. As
the
Correct article usage
an
show examples
effect, the company that has enforced the
contract
well must
discontinuing
Wrong verb form
discontinue
show examples
the project whether the materials are ready to be used
is
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
displaced, even
it
Correct word choice
if it
show examples
continues payment delay
by
Change preposition
apply
show examples
the consequence
more
Change preposition
of more
show examples
profit loss for
provider
Correct article usage
the provider
show examples
. The standard
contract
of government
procurement
does not apply the clause of
KPK
to postpone temporarily
it
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
moreover
there are no regulations
rule
Correct pronoun usage
that rule
show examples
the existing of
KPK
to postpone
procurement
contract
Fix the agreement mistake
contracts
show examples
except The Corruption Eradication Commission
Act
of 2019.
Furthermore
, it ruins
contract
principles
such
as freedom of
contract
, mutual understanding, pacta sunt servanda, good faith and personality that
lives
Correct subject-verb agreement
live
show examples
in Indonesia
along
Change preposition
apply
show examples
these days. The confusion
also
happens how does
KPK
postpone government
procurement
contract
Fix the agreement mistake
contracts
show examples
, through private juridical
act
or public juridical
act
?
Submitted by talubis on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Task Achievement
Your essay does not address the IELTS topic provided about whether the government should pay for healthcare and education. It is important to ensure that you stay on topic and address the prompt given to you in the exam.
Coherence & Cohesion
The essay lacks a clear introduction and conclusion, which are essential for establishing the topic and summarizing your position. Make sure to include these components in your essay.
Coherence & Cohesion
Develop your essay with a more logical structure. Present your arguments in a clear sequence, using paragraphs to separate main ideas, and employing cohesive devices to link these ideas together.
Task Achievement
The essay includes some information on the issue of contract suspension due to corruption investigations but does not relate examples directly to the IELTS topic. Please provide relevant examples that directly support your arguments related to the original topic about government funding of healthcare and education.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: