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Writing Samples
Band 4.5

The two pie charts below show the marital status of the populations of Canada and Australia. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

The two pie charts below show the marital status of the populations of Canada and Australia. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.
#two #show #status #populations #canada #australia #summarise #information #features #comparisons
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The two pictures depict information about
marital
Add an article
the marital
show examples
status
Use synonyms
 of citizens, broken down into two different countries. Units are measured in percentage.
Overall
Linking Words
, it is noticeable that most people in both countries,
Canada
Use synonyms
 and
Australia
Use synonyms
,
are
Unnecessary verb
apply
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have been married.
Furthermore
Linking Words
, the highest proportion of the
status
Use synonyms
 is separated but not divorced in
Canada
Use synonyms
, and married
status
Use synonyms
 has the biggest percentage in
Australia
Use synonyms
. In
Canada
Use synonyms
, the
status
Use synonyms
 of separated but not divorced has
highest
Change the article
the highest
show examples
 value
accounted
Wrong verb form
accounting
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 for 53% compared to
Australia
Use synonyms
 which has slightly more than a third at 41%.
Conversely
Linking Words
, there was only 29% married
status
Use synonyms
 in
Canada
Use synonyms
 as opposed to
Australia
Use synonyms
 which has almost
double
Wrong verb form
doubled
show examples
at
Change preposition
to
show examples
 46%.
Similarly
Linking Words
, the percentage of divorced
status
Use synonyms
 for the former was very low number at just 1%, and the latter has
double
Wrong verb form
doubled
show examples
at
Change preposition
to
show examples
 2% though
this
Linking Words
 figure
was remained
Change to the active voice
remained
has remained
show examples
 low. There was
Correct article usage
an absent
show examples
absent
Replace the word
absence
show examples
 of
same sex
Add a hyphen
same-sex
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 marriage
status
Use synonyms
 in
Australia
Use synonyms
,
whereas
Linking Words
 in
Canada
Use synonyms
 still existed at 3%.
Moreover
Linking Words
, the proportion of the rest
marital
Change preposition
of marital
show examples
 information between
Canada
Use synonyms
 and
Australia
Use synonyms
 has a slight discrepancy
approximately
Change preposition
of approximately
show examples
 1.5%
Submitted by misstiasclassroom on

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Introduction: The introduction is missing.
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Introduction: The chart intro is missing.
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Introduction: The chart intro is missing.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words status, canada, australia with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "information" in your introduction.
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Vocabulary: The word "information" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "percentage" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "proportion" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "slightly" was used 2 times.
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Topic Vocabulary:
  • marital status
  • population
  • pie charts
  • percentage
  • categories
  • Married
  • Single
  • Divorced
  • Widowed
  • distribution
  • noticeable trends
  • comparison
  • significantly different
  • similarities
  • striking differences
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