IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 5

The best way to solve the world's environmental problem is to increase the price of fuels. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement?

#world #price #fuels
Some people are
in
Change preposition
of
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 the view that increasing the price of fuels is the most effective way to solve the world's environmental issues. As much as the statement may be true,I firmly disagree with it as
this
 may solve
one
 trouble and bring on board thousands of troubles. In
this
essay
Add a comma
essay,
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 I will give out reasons why I strongly oppose the idea.
To begin
 with, raising the amount of purchasing
fuel
 will in turn lead to a spike in prices of almost all items as goods need to be transported from
one
 place to another. By
this
 I mean, for an item to reach a consumer from a seller, means of transport need to be used
for example
 vehicles which again require to be fueled and
thus
rise
Correct article usage
a rise
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 in the price of
petrolium
Correct your spelling
petroleum
 will make the seller alter the normal market-price of an item. As an example, if a shoe was being sold at three thousand shillings it
will
Wrong verb form
would
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 now be purchased at a higher amount to
cover-up
Correct your spelling
cover up
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 the transportation cost. Second but not least,
Increment
Correct article usage
an Increment
show examples
 in
fuel
 costs affects
one
's saving plan and budgeting. With regards
of
Change preposition
to
show examples
this
, human beings have certain goals to achieve over a period of time and
this
 makes them tend to look
up
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apply
show examples
for ways to reach their dream by keeping aside some coins the moment they
recieve
Correct your spelling
receive
 a salary.
For instance
,
one
 can decide to save a given percentage of the money earned but
unfortunately
Add a comma
unfortunately,
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 if they are required to add some amount
on
Change preposition
to
show examples
 what they used to pay for
fuel
then
this
 will result in alterations in fund savings for it to be used for other purposes rather than initial motive.
To conclude
, for the reasons above I am in
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
strong opposition that
rise
Correct article usage
a rise
show examples
 in
fuel
 will be a solution to
environment
Replace the word
environmental
show examples
 troubles. As a matter of
fact
Add a comma
fact,
show examples
 it raises the cost of commodities and negatively affects an individual's budget.
Submitted by rebecckwamboka96 on

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task achievement
It's important to delve deeper into the question and address the environmental aspect of the topic, which is only briefly mentioned.
task achievement
Try to provide concrete examples and data to support your points. This will help strengthen your argument.
task achievement
Work on presenting a more balanced view by considering both sides of the argument, which could lead to higher scores in task response.
coherence cohesion
Ensure paragraphs are well-structured with clear topic sentences and supporting sentences.
coherence cohesion
Use a variety of linking words to show the relationships between ideas more clearly.
coherence cohesion
Try to expand on your conclusion by summarizing your main points and restating your opinion with a final thought.
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