A person's worth nowadays seems to be judged according to social status and material possesions. Old-fashioned values, such as honour, kindness and trust, no longer seem important. To what extent do you agree or disagree?
Consumerism has an essential impact on people's
live
, and so these days men and women Replace the word
lives
tended
to be judged Wrong verb form
tend
according to
their financial status, instead
of their honour, generousy
, and loyalty. Correct your spelling
generously
generosity
This
essay completely agrees with this
idea, and explain
that today's individuals are likely to evaluate each other based on their belongings, rather than their personality.
One of the reasons Correct subject-verb agreement
explains
of
why people Change preposition
apply
interested
in Add a missing verb
are interested
others
financial status Change noun form
others'
other's
would be
the effect of social media. Wrong verb form
is
Rising
prevalence of social media usage has been Correct article usage
The rising
trigerring
individual's material possesions. As many influencers enjoy showing off on Instagram, their followers believe their fake stories, and in order to feel like Correct your spelling
triggering
a
influencer or a celebrity, they buy anything they see online. Since they suppose, if they purchase what the other Change the article
an
ones'
wear, they can be admitted as the same figure. Change noun form
ones
Hence
, they tend to focus on materials like shoes of
jackets, Correct your spelling
or
instead
of the
personality. Correct article usage
apply
As a result
, they are likely to build an idea related to themselves and also
others, based on the clothes, cars, or the limit of credit cards. Unfortunately, this
phenomenon may lead to neglect the
importance of some features, like kindness or honour.
Change preposition
of the
Secondly
, there is a fact that consumerism is supported by companies in order to support their profit. Many factories spend the majority of their income for
advertising on TV, the Change preposition
on
internet
, and Capitalize word
Internet
also
instagram
. Change the capitalization
Instagram
Due to
their aggressive advertising policies, teenagers are affected dramatically, and they want to have items, which were presented by ads. The more they Add a missing verb
are addict
addict
to Replace the word
addicted
buy
, the more they give importance to materials. Wrong verb form
buying
Therefore
, the only thing they look for has become others
belongings, Change noun form
others'
other's
instead
of personalities. As a result
, kindness, loyalty, or honour tend to seem meaningless to some individuals, owing to their thinking path, which was damaged by adverts.
To conclude
, owing to the prevalence of social media and advertisement policies of companies may result in a transformation in people's attitudes, which is giving more importance to materialsSubmitted by ilaydailday on
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task achievement
Ensure you thoroughly address all parts of the task. While the essay provides a clear opinion, it could explore more contrasting views to demonstrate the ability to discuss both sides of the argument.
coherence cohesion
Work on developing clearer topic sentences for each paragraph to better guide the reader through your argument.
task achievement
Include more specific examples to support your main points. Examples make your argument stronger and demonstrate a better understanding of the topic.
coherence cohesion
Use diverse linking words and phrases to improve the cohesion between sentences and paragraphs.
other
Remember to proofread to correct grammatical errors and improve sentence structure for better clarity.
other
Try to vary sentence structure to add complexity and flow to your essay, as well as using a wider range of vocabulary.
Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.
Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.
When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.
Linking words for giving examples:
- for example
- for instance
- to illustrate this
- to give a clear example
- such as
- namely
- to illustrate
- take, for example