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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The given bar chart shows the difference of the share of international students among university graduates in different Canadian cities between 2001 and 2006.‏

The given bar chart shows the difference of the share of international students among university graduates in different Canadian cities between 2001 and 2006.‏
The bar chart depicts changes in
five
Correct article usage
the five
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Change the article
the year
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year
Change to a plural noun
years
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 2001 and 2006 of the
internatioal
Correct your spelling
international
 students shared through
university
Use synonyms
grauduates
Correct your spelling
graduates
 in multiple Canadian cities
in
Change preposition
apply
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
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. It is clear from the graph
the
Correct word choice
that the
show examples
 highest
percentage
Use synonyms
recorded
Add a missing verb
was recorded
show examples
 in New
Brunswick
Use synonyms
 in 2006. The significant
increased
Replace the word
increase
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 was in British Columbia by more than double
achieved
Wrong verb form
achieving
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 almost 11% in 2006.
The
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
New
Brunswick
Use synonyms
stand
Wrong verb form
stood
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 out with the highest
percentage
Use synonyms
 in 2006 higher than 5%, and jumped to
nearby
Correct your spelling
nearly
show examples
 13% in 2006. The second most shared
university
Use synonyms
 is Nova Scotia with a little lower than New
Brunswick
Use synonyms
.
Moreover
Linking Words
, in the middle average
according to
Linking Words
 the graph
was
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
Alberta
Use synonyms
university
Capitalize word
University
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 achieved
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
fourth which is slightly lower than Quebec
Use synonyms
university
Capitalize word
University
show examples
. Manitoba
and
Correct word choice
apply
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Newfoundland and Labrador universities remain the same
percentage
Use synonyms
 in 2001 and 2006.
However
Linking Words
, Ontario
Use synonyms
university
Capitalize word
University
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 recorded the lowest
percentage
Use synonyms
.
To sum up
Linking Words
, we could say that
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
New
Brunswick
Use synonyms
Use synonyms
university
Capitalize word
University
show examples
 achieved the highest
percentage
Use synonyms
.
In addition
Linking Words
,
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
british
Change the capitalization
British
show examples
 Columbia recorded the highest changes.

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Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words university, percentage, brunswick with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "graph" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "changes" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "percentage" was used 5 times.
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