IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The pie charts show the electricity generated in Germany and France from all sources and renewables in the year 2009. Summerise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make the comparison where relevant.

The pie charts show the electricity generated in Germany and France from all sources and renewables in the year 2009. Summerise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make the comparison where relevant.
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The four pie charts depict information about
sources
Use synonyms
 of generated
electricity
Use synonyms
 in two different countries in 2009, broken down into two categories which are all types and renewables. Units are measured in
percentage
Use synonyms
.
Overall
Linking Words
, it is noticeable that both countries,
Germany
Use synonyms
 and
France
Use synonyms
, have different
proportion
Fix the agreement mistake
proportions
show examples
 of
sources
Use synonyms
 for generating
electricity
Use synonyms
.
Moreover
Linking Words
, it is
also
Linking Words
 interesting to note that
Germany
Use synonyms
 is more likely to use traditional thermal as the biggest source that
come
Change the verb form
comes
show examples
 from all types,
while
Linking Words
France
Use synonyms
 tends to choose hydroelectric coming from renewable energy as the main source. In
Germany
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, conventional thermal which accounted for more than half at 59.6% had the highest
percentage
Use synonyms
 for generating
electricity
Use synonyms
,
while
Linking Words
 the amount of
electricity
Use synonyms
 from
Linking Words
this
Correct determiner usage
these
show examples
sources
Use synonyms
 had the lowest point at just 10.3% in
France
Use synonyms
.
In contrast
Linking Words
, nuclear
sources
Use synonyms
 had less than a quarter (23%) in
Germany
Use synonyms
,
whereas
Linking Words
 in
France
Use synonyms
 most
electricity
Use synonyms
 generation was nuclear with
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
percentage
Use synonyms
more
Change preposition
of more
show examples
 than three quarters (76%).
Furthermore
Linking Words
, in terms of renewable
sources
Use synonyms
 in
Germany
Use synonyms
, biomass and wind power nearly have the same
percentage
Use synonyms
 with more
that
Correct word choice
than
show examples
 a third. In comparison with
Germany
Use synonyms
, these
sources
Use synonyms
 only have a low proportion at just 8.1% and 10.5% respectively in
France
Use synonyms
, and the highest value was hydroelectric
sources
Use synonyms
 at 80.5%.

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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "while".
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Vocabulary: Replace the words sources, electricity, percentage, germany, france with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "information" in your introduction.
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Vocabulary: The word "percentage" was used 4 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "proportion" was used 2 times.
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