IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Nowadays the way many people interact with each other has changed because of technology. In what ways has technology affected the types of relationships people make? Has this become a positive or negative development?

Technology in
21st
Correct article usage
the 21st
show examples
 Century has
been spread
Verb problem
apply
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a many impact
for
Change preposition
on
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 citizens in
this
Linking Words
 society right now.
Globalization
Correct article usage
The globalization
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 era can't be denied makes
us
Correct pronoun usage
it
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 easier to get in touch with every
people
Fix the agreement mistake
person
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 in
this
Linking Words
 world. Boundaries between one country to another country slowly
has
Change the verb form
have
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 been gone, so we don’t
be worry
Change the verb form
worry
show examples
 about how to communicate with each other. How ways technology brings demands in daily life
especially
Add the comma(s)
, especially
show examples
 in
communication
Use synonyms
,
Linking Words
that is
Verb problem
apply
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affected
Wrong verb form
affects
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 towards type of
communication
Use synonyms
which are
Verb problem
that
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publics
Fix the agreement mistake
public
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applied
Wrong verb form
applies
show examples
on
Change preposition
in
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 their interactions.
For example
Linking Words
, nowadays social media is
common
Add an article
a common
the common
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 fact as
platform
Correct article usage
a platform
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who
Correct pronoun usage
that
show examples
make
Correct subject-verb agreement
makes
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 us flexible in
build
Replace the word
building
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communication
Use synonyms
 with someone. Through online, people can easily know
a
Correct article usage
the
show examples
 kind of person that they are
meet
Wrong verb form
meeting
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 and
then
Linking Words
 more
efficient
Change the word
efficiently
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to
Fix the infinitive
apply
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make a closer relationship with the others.
Moreover
Linking Words
, COVID-19 as
a big issues
Correct the article-noun agreement
a big issue
big issues
show examples
 around 2019-2021
makes
Verb problem
has
show examples
 a huge changes in every part of our
life
Fix the agreement mistake
lives
show examples
 either in the way how we communicate. Before COVID-19, we tend to build a whole of
communication
Use synonyms
 through
Use synonyms
face to
Add a hyphen
face-to-face
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face
Use synonyms
 or
meet
Wrong verb form
meeting
show examples
 each other directly in a public place. But because of COVID-19, so many people
makes
Change the verb form
make
show examples
an
Correct article usage
apply
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online video conference applications to help us still interact with outside circumstances.
For instance
Linking Words
, the popular online
videos
Change the noun form
video
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 applications are Zoom, Google Meet,
Microsoft
Correct word choice
and Microsoft
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Team
Fix the agreement mistake
Teams
show examples
 in
that
Correct determiner usage
the
show examples
 COVID-19 era. Through that, citizens realize that online
communication
Use synonyms
more
Add a missing verb
is more
show examples
 than efficient that
face
Use synonyms
 to
face
Use synonyms
 type which
are make
Change the verb form
makes
show examples
 them prefer to
makes
Wrong verb form
make
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 contact
with
Change preposition
via
show examples
 video
call
Fix the agreement mistake
calls
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 or
meeting
Replace the word
meetings
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 online
instead
Linking Words
 they are must
go
Wrong verb form
going
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 to the company or places directly. In conclusion, technology
Correct subject-verb agreement
builds
show examples
build
Correct subject-verb agreement
builds
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 positive development
Change preposition
in
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for
Change preposition
in
show examples
Use synonyms
Correct article usage
the communication
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communication
Correct article usage
the communication
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 field and what ways
Correct determiner usage
the
show examples
that
Correct determiner usage
the
show examples
 public
Correct subject-verb agreement
interacts
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interact
Correct subject-verb agreement
interacts
show examples
 with everyone,
Through
Change preposition
apply
show examples
online platforms,
Correct subject-verb agreement
make
show examples
makes
Correct subject-verb agreement
make
show examples
Correct pronoun usage
it more
show examples
more
Correct pronoun usage
it more
show examples
 flexible and effective for us to communicate with each other without
have
Verb problem
being
show examples
 obligated to go
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
a
Correct article usage
apply
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offline place which
Verb problem
apply
show examples
is
Unnecessary verb
apply
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sometimes
Correct subject-verb agreement
makes
show examples
make
Correct subject-verb agreement
makes
show examples
 us so hard
Verb problem
apply
show examples
is
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
we have other business.

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coherence cohesion
To improve your essay, you should focus on creating a more organized structure. Introduce your main points in the introduction, develop each one in a separate paragraph in the body of the essay, and summarize them in the conclusion.
coherence cohesion
Use a wider range of linking words and phrases to help your ideas flow more logically and to make clear connections between them. This will also improve the readability of your essay.
task achievement
To fully address the task, make sure to discuss both the positive and negative developments of technology on relationships as the question prompts. You need to balance your argument to provide a complete response to the prompt.
task achievement
Provide more specific examples to support your claims. This helps to illustrate your points and makes your argument more convincing.
task achievement
Work on the accuracy of your language, including grammar and vocabulary, to clearly and effectively express your ideas.
Answer the 'Problem and Solution' topic

Problem-and-solution essays fall naturally into two parts, the first describing and exploring the problem, the second setting out the solution or solutions.

You essay structure should look something like this:

  • Introduction
  • Body paragraph 1 – Problems
  • Body paragraph 2 – Solutions
  • Conclusion

Examples to start your body paragraph:

  • One of the first problems of the...
  • Another problem that needs to be considered...
  • A possible solution to this problem would be...
  • One immediate practical solution is to...

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