The most important aim of science should be to improve people's live. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement

#aim #science #people

Education plays an important role in

public's

Correct article usage

the public's

show examples

development from time to time.

However

, since the 17th century, science has more and more improvement decade by decade. In

this

essay, I will explain why I strongly agree with the statement that the main purpose of

discipline

is to make humans live better.

Firstly

, natural art has become very helpful in increasing the number of healthy

family

Change to a plural noun

families

show examples

and their life longevity. Medical

discipline

has provided many ways to cure some diseases or make a prevention way so

society

can avoid illness.

For example

, children aged 3 to 5 are given an influenza vaccine so

for

Change preposition

that

show examples

the next time they will not get affected by the influenza virus.

In addition

, with more advanced science and helped with technology, medical

discipline

can save

family

Fix the agreement mistake

families

show examples

who face dying.

Secondly

, social

discipline

also

plays an integral part , especially in a rustic with freedom ideology. In a democratic rustic,

government

Add an article

the government

show examples

makes a policy based on the conditions of the rustic at the moment and the history of the rustic.

For example

, Indonesia become a democratic rustic since 1998, the

government

has made new policies that suit their

society

. They realized a dictator

government

was really disliked by

crowd

Add an article

the crowd

show examples

and it

can

Wrong verb form

could

show examples

be dangerous when

public

Correct article usage

the public

show examples

assembled did the demo. Since Indonesia become a democratic rustic,

government

Correct article usage

the government

show examples

and

society

can collaborate and it has become more peaceful. All in all, I strongly agree education helped boost human life in a variety of aspects. Both natural and social sciences are very useful for improvement in public's lives. Neutral

discipline

can help unhealthy family back to their good condition, prevent

Remove the article

apply

show examples

disease with vaccines, and increase the longevity of human life. Social

discipline

makes

society

create a more peaceful rustic to live.

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Coherence and Cohesion

To improve the logical structure of your essay, focus on creating clear and distinct paragraphs each with a single main idea that is then developed further with explanations or examples. Transition words can help improve the flow between ideas.

Coherence and Cohesion

While the introduction and conclusion are present, they could be strengthened by more directly addressing the essay prompt in the introduction and summarizing the main arguments more clearly in the conclusion. This will give your essay a stronger focus and argumentative direction.

Task Achievement

The essay partially addresses the task, however, more emphasis should be placed on providing a direct response to the question asked rather than only discussing related points. Be sure to state your opinion clearly in the introduction and reiterate it in the conclusion for maximum clarity and task achievement.

Task Achievement

To ensure clear and comprehensive ideas, expand your paragraphs further to fully develop your points. This means going beyond stating facts and instead exploring why these facts support your argument in relation to the prompt.

Task Achievement

Incorporate more relevant examples and make sure they directly support the main ideas. Be specific and ensure the link between the example and the point it supports is made explicitly clear.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

Summary
Restatement of thesis
Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

In conclusion
To conclude
To summarize
Finally
In a nutshell
In general

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7Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
3Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
10Grammar mistakes
 

3 paragraphs

293 words

4.50

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 5.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 5.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

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The most important aim of science should be to improve people's live. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement

Include an introduction and conclusion

Some people think that spending a lot of money on wedding parties and other celebrations is just a waste. Others, however, think that such events are necessary, so spending money on them is acceptable. Discuss both the views and give your opinion

In many countries import food from other contry of the world.what are the advantages and disadvantages of this kasur.

Many people work from home using modern technology today. Some people think that only the workers benefit from this and not the employers. Do you agree or disagree?

Some people think that job satisfaction is more important while other people think that it is more important to have a stable job. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.