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Band 4.5

A serious problem affecting countries right across the globe is the lack of water for drinking, washing and other household uses. Why do many countries face water shortages, and what could be done to alleviate the problem?

#countries #right #globe #lack #water #household #face #shortages
In recent times, the most serious obstacle which many countries are dealing with is
water
scarce
Replace the word
scarcity
show examples
.
This
 has been increasing significantly since 1950.
This
 essay will examine the problems in detail and propose some solutions. One of the main causes of the problem is the growing demand for
water
.
This
 is because the number of people has increased dramatically, which means the use of
water
 for drinking, washing and other household has
raised
Verb problem
increased
show examples
 as well. The solution for the government is to raise the tax on
water
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 so that people would use it more carefully.
For instance
, in western
Correct your spelling
societies
sociaties
Add a comma
sociaties,
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 the price of it is extremely high. Another cause of the issue can be the climate change. The reason is that there is a lot of carbon
doixide
Correct your spelling
dioxide
 and
gass
Correct your spelling
gas
 which factories produce, and these can contribute the global warming.
As a result
, it leads to drought and floods in some places. To tackle
this
 problem,
government
Add an article
the government
show examples
 must increase the green space to prevent
this
. A third major cause of
issue
Add an article
the issue
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 is the use of
this
 liquid in agriculture. About 70 per cent of the
fresh
Correct your spelling
freshwater
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water
 is consumed in farming places, which means most of
this
 liquid is wasted. The way forward can be to improve sewage
system
Fix the agreement mistake
systems
show examples
 and infrastructures in order to stop
this
. In USA and
Germany
Add a comma
Germany,
show examples
 the
precentage
Correct your spelling
percentage
 of
this
 is so much lower than
other
Change preposition
in other
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 nations, because of
modern
Correct article usage
the modern
show examples
infrastructures
Fix the agreement mistake
infrastructure
show examples
 they have. In conclusion,
this
 obstacle has been
growin
Correct your spelling
growing
, and there are some main reasons for it.
However
Add a comma
However,
show examples
 there are some effective methods to prevent
this
 from getting
worsened
Replace the word
worse
show examples
. In my view, both
government
Correct article usage
the government
show examples
 and
people
Correct article usage
the people
show examples
 play an important role.
This
 means they can alleviate it by consuming less
water
 and good management.
Submitted by Ah.mahdavi1365 on

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Task Achievement
Ensure clarity and precision in presenting your arguments. Avoid general statements and strive for specific examples to support your points.
Coherence & Cohesion
Work on the logical progression of ideas. Each paragraph should flow smoothly to the next, building upon the ideas presented.
Task Achievement
In the introduction, clearly state the problems and solutions you will discuss. This will provide a roadmap for your essay.
Coherence & Cohesion
Transition sentences can vastly improve the connection between paragraphs. Make sure you implement them effectively.
Coherence & Cohesion
Check for grammatical accuracy and correct use of vocabulary. Errors can detract from the overall coherence of the essay.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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