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Band 4

In the future, more people will choose to go on holidays in their own country, and not to travel aboard on holiday. Do you agree or disagree? disagree moving to other contrie for job so they likke to visit india

#future #people #holidays #country #travel #holiday #contrie #job #likke #visit #india
In the future, there will be many
of
Change preposition
apply
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people
that
Correct pronoun usage
who
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 prefer to go on vacations in their own
country
 rather than travel
aboard
Rephrase
abroad
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. I truly disagree with
this
 statement, because
with
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apply
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the rapid growth of social
media
it
Correct pronoun usage
apply
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can affect
people
Change noun form
people's
show examples
 choices, I believe in the
next
Correct word choice
apply
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future, citizens will have a huge interest
to explore
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in exploring
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 new countries that they never
visit
Wrong verb form
visited
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 before. On holidays
people
 have a variety of destinations that they can freely choose. Especially with
the
Correct article usage
apply
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social
media
that had
Wrong verb form
has
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 been growing really fast until now,
people
 can search
about
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for
show examples
 new places easily, especially destinations
that
Correct pronoun usage
apply
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in
other
Change the wording
another country
other countries
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country
.
In the
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The
show examples
 previous statement said that, in the future citizen will not travel outside their
country
 and prefer to explore more in their own place. 
However
, I fully disagree with
this
 idea because now
people
already
Add a missing verb
are already
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 surrounded by modern technology
especially
Add the comma(s)
, especially
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 social
media
.
For instance
, nowadays there is an app called
Tiktok
Correct your spelling
TikTok
show examples
 where
people
 can post a variety of short videos. In Tiktok,
people
 are likely to post videos about their
vacation's
Change noun form
vacation
show examples
 journey,
then
Correct word choice
and then
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 the places that they
captured
Wrong verb form
capture
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into
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in
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 a video become viral or famous. The viewers are likely to get very interested
to go
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in going
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 to these famous places especially when they
knew
Wrong verb form
know
show examples
 it from
Tiktok
Correct your spelling
TikTok
show examples
. It can be said that social
media
's involvement
play
Change the verb form
plays
show examples
 a big role
of
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in
show examples
people
Change noun form
people's
show examples
 choices.
To sum up
, most
of
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apply
show examples
people
 in the
next
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
years ahead choose to go on
holidays
Fix the agreement mistake
holiday
show examples
on
Change preposition
in
show examples
 their own
country
 rather than travel outside of it.
However
, I really disagree with
this
 statement because
peope
Correct your spelling
people
already
Add a missing verb
are already
show examples
 familiar with social
media
,
this
Correct word choice
and this
show examples
 factor can
effect
Correct your spelling
affect
show examples
people
's interest which is to explore more
on
Change preposition
in
show examples
 new countries.
Submitted by bmaharani04 on

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structure
Please ensure that your essay has a clear structure with an introduction, at least two main body paragraphs, and a conclusion. Your ideas are not fully developed; try to elaborate on your points more thoroughly.
cohesion
Try using a wider variety of linking words and phrases to help your essay flow more naturally. Also, look to organize your ideas more logically, with each paragraph focusing on one main idea.
task response
When disagreeing with a statement, it's important to provide clear and substantial reasons for your viewpoint. Make sure to expand on your points with specific examples and explanations.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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