Some people believe that it is responsibility of individual to take care of their own health and diet. Others however believe that governments should make sure that their citizens have a healthy diet. Discuss both view and give your opinion.
As entering the
21th
century with various options for diet, Change the ending
21st
individual's
Change noun form
individual
health
problems become exacerbate
globally. The argument about the duty of keeping people's Wrong verb form
exacerbated
health
has continued: whether it is individual's
responsibility or the Correct article usage
the individual's
government
's. This
essay will examine both perspectives and my opinion about the argument before a conclusion.
Firstly
, some deem that individuals should make effort
to keep up their Correct article usage
an effort
health
, and blaming other parties for their health
issues does not make sense. Since a person is the only one who know
his/her condition correctly, it is admittedly to say that he/she Change the verb form
knows
have
to take appropriate actions if feeling that something is wrong. Change the verb form
has
For example
, people who live
more than 100 years old say that Wrong verb form
have lived
keys
to staying Correct article usage
the keys
health
Replace the word
healthy
such
a long time are not eating too much and ingesting healthy foods. They manage their conditions by themselves, not depending on someone else.
Change preposition
for such
On the other hand
, as individuals do not have professional knowledge on
diet, it is the Change preposition
of
government
's responsibility of announcing
and Change preposition
to announce
giving
guidelines about it. Wrong verb form
give
For instance
, students eat junk foods frequently unawaring its
badness for their Verb problem
unaware of their
health
, because they did not have proper education about nutrition. Therefore
, it is crucial for the government
to inform the right nutritional information and the harmness
of Correct your spelling
harms
hardness
harmless
junk
food Add an article
the junk
of
Change preposition
apply
the
public to avoid Correct article usage
apply
health
problems.
To sum up
, some believe that choosing food for one's health
is up to individual
, Add an article
the individual
while
others assert that the government
should be fully engaged in the dietary problem of individuals'
. I think on balance that the Change noun form
individuals
government
should educate people to improve their ability to take healthier diet
.Fix the agreement mistake
diets
Submitted by ywb516 on
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task achievement
Ensure a clear opinion is provided in the introduction and reiterated in the conclusion for a stronger position on the topic. While the opinion was eventually provided, it could be more clearly stated from the beginning.
task achievement
Use a wider range of vocabulary to convey precise meaning and avoid repetition of words like 'health' and 'diet'.
coherence cohesion
Include more complex structures and vary sentence beginnings to show a range of language skills.
coherence cohesion
Work on paragraphing to ensure each main idea is clearly separated and elaborated on within its own paragraph. This structure aids in the logical progression of your argument.
task achievement
Support your arguments with a wider range of examples and evidence. While some examples were given, more specific and varied ones would strengthen the argument.
coherence cohesion
Check for typographical errors, such as '21th' which should be '21st', 'exacerbate' which should be 'exacerbated', and 'harmness' which isn't a standard English word; consider using 'harm' or 'detrimental effects'. Careful proofreading can avoid these mistakes.
coherence cohesion
Consider using linking words and phrases to improve the flow of ideas between sentences and paragraphs.
task achievement
Make sure to evenly discuss both views before giving your opinion to completely address all parts of the task.
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