IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

The most important aim of science should be to improve people’s lives. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement?

#aim #science #people’s #lives
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Education plays an important role in the public's development from time to time.
However
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, since the 17th century,
science
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 has grown more and more decade by decade. In
this
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 essay, I will explain why I strongly agree with the statement that the main purpose of
science
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 is to make humans live better.
Firstly
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, natural
science
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 has become very helpful in increasing the number of healthy
people
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 and their life longevity. Medical
science
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 has provided many ways to cure some diseases or make a prevention way so
people
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 can avoid
themselves
Correct pronoun usage
apply
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from
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apply
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illness.
For example
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, children
with
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apply
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ages
from
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apply
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3 to 5 are given influenza vaccines so that next time they will not
get
Verb problem
be
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 affected by
influenza
Add an article
the influenza
an influenza
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 virus.
In addition
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, with more advanced
science
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 and help with technology, medical
science
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 can save
people
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 who face
their
Correct pronoun usage
apply
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dying.
Secondly
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, social
science
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also
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 plays an integral part
especially
Add the comma(s)
, especially
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 in a
country
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 with a
democracy
Replace the word
democratic
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 ideology. In a democratic
country
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, the
government
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 makes a policy based on conditions in the
country
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 at the moment and
history
Correct article usage
the history
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 of
their
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the
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country
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.
For example
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, Indonesia became a democratic
country
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 in 1998, the
government
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 made new policies that suited their society. They realized a dictator
government
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 was really disliked by
people
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 and it can be dangerous when
people
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 assembled did the demo. Since Indonesia has become a democratic
country
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, the
government
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 and society can collaborate and it becomes more peaceful. All in all, I strongly agree
science
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 helped boost
human's
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human
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 life in a variety of aspects. Both natural and social
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science
Fix the agreement mistake
sciences
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 are very useful for improvement in
people
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's lives. Neutral
science
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 can help unhealthy
people
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 back to their good condition, prevent disease with vaccines, and increase the longevity of human life. Social
science
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 makes
people
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 create a more peaceful
country
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 to live in.
Submitted by 2024successielts on

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coherence cohesion
Your introduction effectively paraphrases the prompt and clearly states your position, which sets the stage for a well-structured essay. To further enhance the coherence and cohesion of your essay, transitioning between ideas and paragraphs could be smoother. Phrases that guide the reader more clearly through your argument can create a stronger logical flow.
coherence cohesion
Your main points are supported with examples, but for a higher score, try to develop these examples further. Explain how they directly relate to the thesis and how they impact people's lives. This will demonstrate a deeper understanding of the subject matter.
task achievement
The essay adequately addresses the prompt and provides a clear response to the essay question, but make sure to consistently analyze both sides of the argument. In a 'to what extent do you agree or disagree' essay, it is beneficial to acknowledge potential counterarguments, even if you don't agree with them, before reinforcing your own position.
task achievement
To achieve higher clarity and comprehensiveness, try to delve more deeply into your ideas. A more thorough development of your argument, perhaps by providing more nuanced examples or recognizing the complexity of the issue, would enhance the response.
task achievement
Including specific, detailed examples would strengthen your argument. While you have offered some examples to support your ideas, they remain somewhat general. Try to provide specific data, case studies, or historical instances which can add authenticity and weight to your argument.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • crucial role
  • enhancing
  • quality of human life
  • advancements
  • medicine
  • healthcare
  • scientific research
  • solving societal problems
  • improving living standards
  • global issues
  • climate change
  • food scarcity
  • technological advancements
  • limitations
  • negative consequences
  • ethical considerations
  • sustainability
  • environmental preservation
What to do next:
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