IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The pie chart below show the online shopping sales for retail sector in new Zealand in 2003 and 2013.

The pie chart below show the online shopping sales for retail sector in new Zealand in 2003 and 2013.
#show #sales #sector #zealand
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the chart provides information regarding the sum of bought
items
Use synonyms
 through
Add an article
the internet
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internet
Capitalize word
Internet
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 in New Zealand's retail segment from 2003 to 2013.
overall
Linking Words
, two out of four
items
Use synonyms
records
Correct subject-verb agreement
record
show examples
 a rise meanwhile others
such
Linking Words
 as clothes and travel encounter a decline within a 10
years’
Change noun form
years
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 difference. In 2003, travel became the most elected item to spend money for New Zealand people by dominating more than one-fourth of total
sales
Use synonyms
in
Change preposition
at
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 36%, followed by clothes and film with
each
Correct determiner usage
apply
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24% and 21%. Meanwhile, books stay as the
last
Linking Words
 item to record in the data with slightly less than 20% of whole
sales
Use synonyms
. 10 years later, some
items
Use synonyms
 had encountered
change
Add an article
a change
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 in
sales
Use synonyms
 from minus 8% to the highest 12%.
Biggest
Add an article
The biggest
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 expense is film with 33% of total money spent, and note a significant increase to 12%.
On the contrary
Linking Words
, other
items
Use synonyms
such
Linking Words
 as books and travel experienced a drop
with
Change preposition
of
show examples
each
Correct determiner usage
apply
show examples
8% and 7% compared to 10 years ago.
Lastly
Linking Words
, books
also
Linking Words
 signified a slight change with
3
Correct article usage
a 3
show examples
% increase with
final
Correct article usage
a final
show examples
 record
22
Change preposition
of 22
show examples
%
on
Change preposition
in
show examples
 total
sales
Use synonyms
.
Submitted by imsarunn on

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Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "such".
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Conclusion: The conclusion is too long.
Vocabulary: Replace the words items, sales with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "change" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "increase" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "slightly" was used 2 times.
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Topic Vocabulary:
  • pie chart
  • online shopping
  • retail sector
  • New Zealand
  • comparison
  • increase
  • shift
  • traditional
  • popularity
  • platforms
  • technology
  • internet access
  • consumer behavior
  • preferences
  • factors
  • growth
  • impact
  • brick-and-mortar stores
  • challenges
  • opportunities
  • future trends
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