IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

'Telecommiuting' refers to workers doing their jobs from home for part of each weak and communicating with their office using computer technology. How do you think society will be affected by the growh of telecommuting?

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There is a rising trend
about
Change preposition
of
show examples
 working from anywhere coming from the habit during the quarantine phenomenon.
This
Linking Words
 trend surely brings many changes to the society.
This
Linking Words
 essay will provide parts of society which are affected by the working transformation. The increasing phenomenon
about
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of
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 telecommuting has several
impact
Change to a plural noun
impacts
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to
Change preposition
on
show examples
 people’s activities. First of all, it
brings
Verb problem
has
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impact
Correct article usage
an impact
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 on life outside work. The employees can spend more
time
Use synonyms
 with others,
such
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 as their families, friends, and children
while
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also
Linking Words
 working on their tasks.
This
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 offers more advantages for employees with double roles.
For example
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, working parents can spend more
time
Use synonyms
 with their children because they can work
Change preposition
at
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in
Change preposition
at
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home
Add an article
the home
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.
Furthermore
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, the employees do not have to spend
time
Use synonyms
on
Change preposition
apply
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commuting and getting ready.
Therefore
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, they can do other things right before the office hours begin and after the closing hour directly.
Consequently
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, they will spend their
time
Use synonyms
 effectively. There are
also
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 several aspects that will be affected.
Firstly
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,
transformation
Correct article usage
the transformation
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 to telecommuting
also
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 affects the environment. By doing their jobs from anywhere, there will be a reduction in traffic congestion because people do not have to commute to their offline
office
Fix the agreement mistake
offices
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.
In addition
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, it will
also
Linking Words
 lower the pollution rate since the number of transportation is reduced.
Moreover
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, telecommuting will change the management of the company, because the company have to
making
Change the verb
make
show examples
 new protocols and procedures for working from anywhere.
Therefore
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, it needs several new
adaptation
Change to a plural noun
adaptations
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.
To conclude
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, it is
obviously
Change the word
obvious
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 that telecommuting will change employees’ daily
life
Fix the agreement mistake
lives
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 to be more flexible with fresher air, but they have to adapt to new management to suit the change.

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task achievement
To improve your score in task achievement, ensure that your essay answers all parts of the question thoroughly. While you have made a good attempt to discuss the societal impact of telecommuting, you could benefit from expanding your explanation with more detailed and varied examples.
coherence cohesion
Try to create a more structured approach in order to improve coherence and cohesion. This includes organizing your essay into clear, well-defined paragraphs that each deal with a single main idea. Also, use a wider range of linking phrases to connect ideas and paragraphs seamlessly.
task achievement
When providing examples to support your main points, make sure they are specific and relevant to the topic of telecommuting. Developing these examples in depth will illustrate your points more convincingly and improve your essay's depth of analysis.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • Telecommuting
  • Work-life balance
  • Commuter
  • Urban planning
  • Freelancing
  • Collaboration
  • Digital divide
  • Remote supervision
  • Commercial real estate
  • Performance evaluation
  • Home office
  • Environmental pollution
  • Socioeconomic
  • Contract-based jobs
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