The only way to improve the safety on our roads is to have stricter punishment for driving offenders. To what extent do you agree or disagree?
The growing number of
car
accidents
has been an ongoing debate in recent years. In order toreduce
the Correct your spelling
to reduce
prevelance
of Correct your spelling
prevalence
accidents
, implementing stricter punishment is being offered by some. This
essay disagrees with this
idea,
and will explain the importance of providing better driving educationRemove the comma
apply
,
and increasing the minimum legal Remove the comma
apply
age
for driving rather than overpriced fine
for driving offenders.
One of the reasons why Fix the agreement mistake
fines
barely
punishing Correct article usage
a barely
crowd
can not accepted as an effective way in order to create safer Fix the agreement mistake
crowds
roads
is that this
method can not solve the root of pthe roblem
. Without focusing on the underlying cause, like uneducated Correct your spelling
the problem
drivers
it is almost impossible to build safer Add a comma
drivers,
roads
. As people are able to drive with insufficient traffic education, they put themselves and other
Fix the agreement mistake
others
ones
at risk Correct pronoun usage
apply
due to
their lack of experience. It is clear that
only punishing these drivers
can not improve their driving skills, moreover
, after they pay the fine they are likely to continue to put themselves and other drivers
at
dangerous situations. Change preposition
in
For
this
reason, encouraging individual's
traffic Change noun form
individual
educations
, and Fix the agreement mistake
education
also
regulating testing systems would be more
Correct article usage
a more
efective
way to mitigate the Correct your spelling
effective
prevelance
of Correct your spelling
prevalence
car
accidents
.
On the other hand
, despite stricter punishment methods, including high fines
may have Add the comma(s)
fines,
significant
impact on low-income Add an article
a significant
drivers
, wealthier men and women can easily afford the price. Owing to their strong financial status, they are not affected by punishments as much as poor ones, and
so they can keep their wrongdoings on the road. Correct word choice
apply
For example
, numerous car
accidents
, which result in fatalities are driven by careless drivers
, who lead to more than three accidents
in their lifespan in Turkey. Since they can pay the fine, they are able to drive. Furthermore
, the majority of car
accidents
are driven by drivers
, whose
Correct pronoun usage
who
age
between 18 and 20. Since they Correct your spelling
are
have
not enough Add a missing verb
do have
experince
in drivingCorrect your spelling
experience
,
and can be distracted easily, they are likely to lead to Remove the comma
apply
accidents
more than adults. In order to create more peaceful roads
, rising
Correct your spelling
raising
minimum
legal Correct article usage
the minimum
age
to 25 would make a world of difference respective
Change preposition
in respective
of
road safety.
Change preposition
apply
To conclude
, car
accidents
are admitted one of the most remarkable causes of death, while
some people believe in
implementing Change preposition
that
stricker
laws or punishments may alleviate the number of Correct your spelling
strict
accidents
, I personally disagree with this
notion. By providing
better well-rounded education and testing Change preposition
Providing
sytems
, and increasing the minimum legal Correct your spelling
systems
age
for driving would be more effective to decrease
the risky situations on Change preposition
in decreasing
roads
.Submitted by ilaydailday on
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coherence cohesion
Ensure that the essay has a clear introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion. Each paragraph should start with a clear topic sentence and follow with supporting sentences that back up the main point.
coherence cohesion
Develop your main points with a mix of general statements and specific examples. While your essay has main points, it lacks detailed examples to illustrate them, which could strengthen your argument.
task achievement
Remain focused on the prompt throughout the essay and make sure every paragraph contributes to addressing the question. Avoid going off-topic or discussing irrelevant information.
coherence cohesion
Use a variety of linking words to better connect ideas between sentences and paragraphs. There was some repetition and underuse of cohesive devices that would have improved the logical flow.
task achievement
Pay attention to grammatical accuracy and work on reducing the number of errors in sentence structure, tense usage, and article usage, which sometimes hinder communication of your ideas.
task achievement
Expand on your examples with more depth. Merely stating that wealthier people can pay fines is not enough; explaining how this fails to deter repeat offenses would be more convincing.
Your opinion
Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.
If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.
Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.
Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:
...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?