IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

"Art is considered an essential part of all cultures througout the world. However, these days fewer and fewer people appreciate art and turn their focus to science, technology and business Why do you think that is? What could be done to encourage more people to take interests in the arts?"

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In
this
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 contemporary era, there is an ongoing contention that society will switch to online reading from printed media in the coming
time
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. I am totally satisfied with the above notion and in the coming paragraphs would like to elaborate more with suitable examples.
To begin
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 with, cost is
one
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 of the major reasons behind
this
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 issue as e-learning is the cheapest among all the other modes of reading
whereas
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one
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 needs to invest an enormous amount of
money
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 to buy these books.
For example
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, in
Singapore
Add a comma
Singapore,
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 paper is so expensive as the cost of
one
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 tree is equal to
the
Correct article usage
a
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 laptop.
Moreover
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, papers are
also
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 polluting the environment because
one
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 needs to garbage the books
at the end
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 of their use
however
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,
this
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 step is not only affecting the atmosphere but
also
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 the
wastes
Fix the agreement mistake
waste
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 of
money
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 as well.
Furthermore
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, sometimes the fonts are not easily accessible for the readers and they need to focus more
while
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 reading which directly affects their eyes.
In addition
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 ,online learning is easily available at
one
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 click and individuals do not need to go anywhere for search material which not only saves
money
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 but
also
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time
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.
However
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, there is no doubt virtual study is the easiest mode but there are more chances of getting fictitious data
due to
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 the large amount of modifications by the online contenders. In conclusion, online learning
would
Wrong verb form
will
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be more beneficial for society in the coming
time
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due to
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 factors
such
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 as
money
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,
time
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 ,accessibility and so on but
one
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 cannot ignore the fact of wrong information on the internet.

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task achievement
The essay did not adhere to the topic provided about arts, culture, and the shift towards science, technology, and business. Ensure that you fully understand the prompt and stay on topic throughout your response.
coherence and cohesion
Develop a logical flow by starting with an introduction that addresses the prompt, followed by body paragraphs that each introduce and explain a single main idea, and then conclude by summarizing your points and restating your thesis.
task achievement
Support each main point with relevant examples and explanations. Examples should be specific and directly related to the main idea of the paragraph and the topic of the essay.
coherence and cohesion
Use clear topic sentences at the beginning of each paragraph to guide the reader and provide a clear outline of what the paragraph will discuss, relating it back to the main question.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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