IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Some people believe that reading books is more worthwhile than exploring the internet. Discuss both views

#people #books #internet
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A number of
people
Use synonyms
 argue that reading
books
Use synonyms
 is useful more than searching
by
Change preposition
on
show examples
 the
internet
Use synonyms
,
while
Linking Words
 other
folk
Change the wording
folks
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 think
explores
Wrong verb form
exploring
show examples
 information or any things from
website
Add an article
the website
a website
show examples
 has
benefits
Change the verb form
benefited
show examples
 more than
books
Use synonyms
. The following essay will demonstrate and discuss both opinions. On the one hand, reading
books
Use synonyms
 is one of the
most method
Fix the agreement mistake
methods
show examples
 that many
people
Use synonyms
 prefer
it
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
.
To begin
Linking Words
 with, the primary reason for
this
Linking Words
 is it will help them to understand context very quickly.
For instance
Linking Words
,
according to
Linking Words
 recent surveys have shown that the number of
people
Use synonyms
 who bought
books
Use synonyms
 increased gradually in the
last
Linking Words
 five years.
Thus
Linking Words
, reading might assist men and women to be more cultural.
Additionally
Linking Words
, they believe that spending time on
Use synonyms
internet
Add an article
the internet
show examples
it
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
could impact negatively
to
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apply
show examples
their health and body.
For example
Linking Words
, it will have adverse
effect
Fix the agreement mistake
effects
show examples
to
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on
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 their eyes.
As a result
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 of
Linking Words
this
Add a comma
this,
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 they might lose their vision.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, a group of
people
Use synonyms
 admit that exploring
Use synonyms
internet
Add an article
the internet
show examples
 is better than
books
Use synonyms
. For several reasons,
firstly
Linking Words
, they can find more information in
easy
Change the article
an easy
show examples
 way.
Use synonyms
Internet
Add an article
The Internet
show examples
 provides many tools that make searching smoothy. To
illustrates
Correct subject-verb agreement
illustrate
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, take Google as an example,
people
Use synonyms
 could write
any things
Correct your spelling
anything
show examples
 that
come
Correct subject-verb agreement
comes
show examples
in
Change preposition
to
show examples
 their mind and Google will
give
Verb problem
apply
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the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
respond very rapidly. So, they will manage their time.
Furthermore
Linking Words
, they believe that reading
books
Use synonyms
 are traditional method and it is boring. To recapitulate,
people
Use synonyms
 have different views. Some think
books
Use synonyms
 increase their knowledge and have
positive
Add an article
a positive
show examples
 impact
to
Change preposition
on
show examples
 their health.
While
Linking Words
 others see
Use synonyms
internet
Correct article usage
the internet
show examples
 have pros more than cons
such
Linking Words
 as
find
Wrong verb form
finding
show examples
 data in
in
Remove the redundancy
apply
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short time.
Submitted by Memmm on

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Coherence & Cohesion
Make sure to structure your essay clearly with distinct paragraphs for introduction, each view and a conclusion, to improve the logical structure.
Coherence & Cohesion
Include a conclusion that succinctly summarizes the discussion and provides a clear opinion to satisfy the introduction and conclusion criteria.
Coherence & Cohesion
Support main points with more detailed examples or explanations to enhance the development of arguments.
Task Achievement
Ensure you fully respond to the task, which involves discussing both views equally and providing a personal stance, to improve task achievement.
Task Achievement
Develop ideas more comprehensively by expanding on the points given and ensuring that the points made have full explanations and examples where applicable.
Task Achievement
Utilize specific, real examples to strengthen arguments and show a deeper level of analysis for an improved score in providing relevant specific examples.

Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

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