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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The line graph gives information about the number of people in 4 distinct age groups going to the cinema once or more than once a month in Europe between 2000 and 2011.

The line graph gives information about the number of people in 4 distinct age groups going to the cinema once or more than once a month in Europe between 2000 and 2011.
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The given line graph illustrates the
amount
Change the quantifier
number
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 of people in 4 different age groups going to the
cinema
Use synonyms
 once a month or more than once a month in Europe from 2000 to 2011. The data are measured by percentages.
Overall
Linking Words
, it can be seen that all ages were increasing in regards to going to the
cinema
Use synonyms
 over the given period. The teenager more frequently went to the
cinema
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 compared to any other age
groups
Fix the agreement mistake
group
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.
Whereas
Linking Words
 the younger
who
Correct pronoun usage
apply
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aged 7-14, the
adult
Fix the agreement mistake
adults
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who
Correct pronoun usage
apply
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aged 25-35 and 35 above are under
the
Correct article usage
apply
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teenager. In regards the
teenager
Fix the agreement mistake
teenagers
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, from 2000 to 2008 the audience who went to the
cinema
Use synonyms
were fluctuated
Change to the active voice
fluctuated
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.
subsquently
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Subsequently
, reached its peak in 2010 with around 53% of people and fell slightly until the final
year
Use synonyms
 with approximately 50%. The same trend
were
Change to the active voice
also happened
have also happened
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also
Linking Words
 happened to the younger in which fluctuated from the first
year
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 until 2005,
then
Linking Words
 had a gradual
rose
Replace the word
rise
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 and reached its highest in 2010 with around 32%. After which ended in about 28% in the final
year
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. In terms of people
who
Correct pronoun usage
apply
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aged 25-35, it fluctuated until the final
year
Use synonyms
 with around 28%.
In contrast
Linking Words
, the older generation had a moderate increase and stopped at around 9% in 2011.

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Vocabulary: Rephrase your introduction. Words match: 71%.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words cinema, year with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "give" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "reached" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "fluctuated" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "around" was used 4 times.
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Topic Vocabulary:
  • cinema attendance
  • age groups
  • line graph
  • trend
  • frequency
  • once a month
  • comparative analysis
  • peak attendance
  • fluctuations
  • decline
  • increase
  • youth demographic
  • elderly viewers
  • decade
  • millennium
  • recreational habits
  • entertainment industry
  • consumer behavior
  • box office
  • crowd-favorite
  • blockbuster releases
  • market dynamics
  • digital revolution
  • streaming services
  • cultural shifts
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