Improvements in health, education and trade are essential for the development of poorer nations. However, the governments of richer nations should take more responsibilities for helping the poorer nations in such areas. To what extent do you agree or disagree?
Recently, poorer
nations
live in a world controled
by richer Correct your spelling
controlled
nations
, this
is caused by different factors. On one hand, poorer nations
have internal issues as
corruption, common crime and violence. Correct quantifier usage
such as
On the other hand
, those countries
have been affected by several external factors like external loan
, international policies and taxes. In short, these elements affect the development of poorer Fix the agreement mistake
loans
countries
. Therefore
, richer nations
need to cover the
basic needs Correct article usage
apply
such
as health, education and trade. In this
essay
I will explain why I agree with the Add a comma
essay,
investement
of richer Correct your spelling
investment
nations
and why they are necessary for the developtment
of important areas of poorer Correct your spelling
development
nations
.
Investment of
bigger economies could support the development of Change preposition
in
health
system with new hospitals and the acquisition of medicine. Correct article usage
a health
Also
, education could be improved with new schools, educational materials and the training of better teachers. Finally
, trade needs a responsible investment, focusing the money on the wealthy side of countries
, avoiding difficult themes as
sexuality, crime or in some cases, drugs and unwanted characters like Pablo Escobar.
Correct quantifier usage
such as
For example
, Colombia gets economical
support from Replace the word
economic
USA
in different ways looking Correct article usage
the USA
for
facing terrorism and drugs, that money helps in some way the battle against armed groups, but in the end, Colombia does not get an important improvement Change preposition
to
of
its economy because other issues as corruption, illiteracy and poverty continue in the same level.
In conclusion, I agree with the help richer Change preposition
in
nations
could provide to third-level countries
, only if this
investment is responsible and related to support
important areas Wrong verb form
supporting
as
health, education and trade. Correct quantifier usage
such as
Other type
of Change the wording
Another type
Other types
investing
like Replace the word
investment
fight
against drugs and terrorism could benefit the internal conflict and Correct article usage
the fight
at
the end get the opposite, affecting all people Change preposition
in
instead
of helping them.Submitted by natalyrau13 on
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Coherence & Cohesion
Your essay generally follows a logical structure, but you need to work on creating clearer and more logical connections between your ideas. Use a variety of cohesive devices such as 'furthermore,' 'moreover,' and 'hence' to better link your arguments.
Coherence & Cohesion
The introduction and conclusion are present but could be improved with a clearer thesis statement and a more comprehensive summary of your points. Additionally, ensure the conclusion reflects the information provided throughout the essay.
Coherence & Cohesion
Your main points need more support through relevant examples and explanations; ensure each main idea is developed fully with specific evidence or details to strengthen your argument.
Task Achievement
While your response is complete, make sure to address the prompt directly throughout your essay. Clearly state the extent of your agreement or disagreement with the given statement and provide consistent reasoning to support your stance.
Task Achievement
The ideas presented tend to be general rather than comprehensive. Consider adding more detailed discussions of your points, including the impact of richer nation interventions on poorer nations' development.
Task Achievement
Your essay lacks specific, relevant examples to illustrate and reinforce your arguments. Use real-world cases, statistics, or studies to add depth to your discussion and make your points more persuasive. Avoid generalizations and strive for concrete evidence.
Fully explain your ideas
To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).
For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:
- Paragraph 1 - Introduction
- Sentence 1 - Background statement
- Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
- Sentence 3 - Thesis
- Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
- Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
- Sentence 1 - Summary
- Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
- Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation
Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.