IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 2

In some cultures, children are often told that they can achieve anything if they try hard enough. What are the advantages and disadvantages of giving children this message? Give reasons for your answer and include any relavent examples from your own knowledge or experience. Write at least 250 workds.

#cultures #children #message #relavent #workds
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Children sometimes
needs
Change the verb form
need
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 to know that everything in
this
 life is not easy to achieve. The
advantages
Fix the agreement mistake
advantage
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 of giving
they
Correct pronoun usage
them
show examples
message
Correct article usage
a message
show examples
 to encourage them that they could achieve anything
are
Correct subject-verb agreement
is
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 they could work hard for something that they dream of.
second,
they would
done
Change the verb form
do
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 anything with sacrifices, and the
last
, they would utilize their time in a good way.
In addition
, the disadvantages of giving
this
them
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
message are they could not enjoy their
play time
Correct your spelling
playtime
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 and give more focus
to
Change preposition
on
show examples
 what they want to achieve.
Moreover
, I have experiences that, I could achieve my dream because of the hard work and sacrifice that I have done to
made
Change the form of the verb
make
show examples
 it. I believe
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 we need to encourage
ourself
Correct pronoun usage
ourselves
show examples
 first before we do something bigger. Sometimes we need to push ourselves and never give up
in
Change preposition
on
show examples
 some progress that we
do
Verb problem
make
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, though
in
Change preposition
at
show examples
any
Correct quantifier usage
apply
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other times it
is seems
Change the verb form
seems
show examples
 impossible to
done
Change the form of the verb
do
show examples
.
Submitted by ru.kabiru.biru on

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coherence cohesion
Improve your logical structure by ensuring your ideas flow in a clear and organized manner. Begin with an introduction that clearly states your perspective on the topic, followed by body paragraphs that provide distinct advantages and disadvantages, and conclude with a summary of your discussion.
coherence cohesion
Include a clear introduction and conclusion to frame your essay. The introduction should introduce the topic along with your thesis statement, while the conclusion should reiterate the main points and your overall stance on the issue.
coherence cohesion
Support your main points with specific details and examples. Use these to clearly illustrate the advantages and disadvantages you're discussing. This will strengthen your argument and make your essay more convincing.
task achievement
Ensure that your response completely addresses all parts of the prompt. State the advantages and disadvantages but also include specific examples and arguments to support these points.
task achievement
Develop your ideas more comprehensively. Expand each main point with further explanation, reasoning, and examples to provide depth to your essay and demonstrate a better understanding of the subject.
task achievement
Use relevant and specific examples from your knowledge or experience to back up your points. This helps to personalize your essay and show a real-life understanding of the issue.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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