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Band 3

Task 2 More and more people these days work harder and longer hours and have no time for family and friends. What are the causes in your opinion for this? How is it affecting family life in the society?

#people #work #hours #time #friends #life #society
Nowadays, families spend less time compared with past times. Obviously, it has
effect
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an effect
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 on people's mentality, health and negative influence during
upbringing
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the upbringing
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a
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of a
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child. All these issues are caused by
competitive
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the competitive
a competitive
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 market where almost everyone
have
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has
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 to give their best by working longer and harder.
In
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As
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 a
result
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result,
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 our society suffers from several problems. Working for longer hours stimulates several deceases, including cancer, obesity, depression and so on. Competition
at
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in
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 the
work place
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workplace
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 can add another pressure on employees. A good example can be
a
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apply
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research carried out by US scientists at Pensilvenya University which says:
large
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a large
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 amount of people
are died
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die
have died
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 from heavy
workload
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workloads
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,
heart
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and heart
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decease
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disease
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have
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has
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been
Unnecessary verb
apply
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doubled over 2 decades. Another problem is it not only affects people`s health but other social aspects of life too.
By abandoning
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Abandoning
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 their children in
kindergardens
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kindergartens
kindergarten
 from their early years and
lack
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the lack
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 of conversation between parents and their offspring
caused
Verb problem
had
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dramatic
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a dramatic
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 effect on
mentality
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the mentality
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 of
generation
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the generation
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. It led to depression from
young
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a young
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 age.
As well as
 not being able to socialize properly with others because of
lack
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a lack
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 of
practices
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practice
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 with lifelong mentors (parents).
Overall
, if adults continue working on
fast- paced
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fast-paced
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regime
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regimes
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 for a long time it will fuel other bigger problems.
Consequently
, it will deteriorate social relations which
is
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are
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 essential parts of our life.
Submitted by esenkulova.ulbosyn on

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Introduction
Ensure the introduction sets the stage for the discussion by directly addressing the task question, providing a clear thesis statement.
Coherence
Work on linking ideas more smoothly and clearly between sentences and paragraphs to create a more coherent flow.
Conclusion
Conclude the essay by summarizing the main points and restating the thesis in light of the discussion, not by introducing new arguments.
Content
Be sure to answer both parts of the prompt thoroughly with equal development: the causes and the implications.
Examples
Use more specific examples and data to support your arguments, ensuring relevance to the prompt.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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