IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 3

Task 2 More and more people these days work harder and longer hours and have no time for family and friends. What are the causes in your opinion for this? How is it affecting family life in the society?

#people #work #hours #time #friends #life #society
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
Nowadays, families spend less time compared with past times. Obviously, it has
effect
Add an article
an effect
show examples
 on people's mentality, health and negative influence during
upbringing
Correct article usage
the upbringing
show examples
a
Change preposition
of a
show examples
child. All these issues are caused by
competitive
Add an article
the competitive
a competitive
show examples
 market where almost everyone
have
Change the verb form
has
show examples
 to give their best by working longer and harder.
In
Change preposition
As
show examples
 a
result
Add a comma
result,
show examples
 our society suffers from several problems. Working for longer hours stimulates several deceases, including cancer, obesity, depression and so on. Competition
at
Change preposition
in
show examples
 the
work place
Correct your spelling
workplace
show examples
 can add another pressure on employees. A good example can be
a
Remove the article
apply
show examples
research carried out by US scientists at Pensilvenya University which says:
large
Change the article
a large
show examples
 amount of people
are died
Change to the active voice
die
have died
show examples
 from heavy
workload
Fix the agreement mistake
workloads
show examples
,
heart
Correct word choice
and heart
show examples
decease
Correct your spelling
disease
show examples
have
Correct subject-verb agreement
has
show examples
been
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
doubled over 2 decades. Another problem is it not only affects people`s health but other social aspects of life too.
By abandoning
Change preposition
Abandoning
show examples
 their children in
kindergardens
Correct your spelling
kindergartens
kindergarten
 from their early years and
lack
Correct article usage
the lack
show examples
 of conversation between parents and their offspring
caused
Verb problem
had
show examples
dramatic
Add an article
a dramatic
show examples
 effect on
mentality
Add an article
the mentality
show examples
 of
generation
Correct article usage
the generation
show examples
. It led to depression from
young
Add an article
a young
show examples
 age.
As well as
Linking Words
 not being able to socialize properly with others because of
lack
Correct article usage
a lack
show examples
 of
practices
Fix the agreement mistake
practice
show examples
 with lifelong mentors (parents).
Overall
Linking Words
, if adults continue working on
fast- paced
Correct your spelling
fast-paced
show examples
regime
Fix the agreement mistake
regimes
show examples
 for a long time it will fuel other bigger problems.
Consequently
Linking Words
, it will deteriorate social relations which
is
Correct subject-verb agreement
are
show examples
 essential parts of our life.
Submitted by esenkulova.ulbosyn on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Introduction
Ensure the introduction sets the stage for the discussion by directly addressing the task question, providing a clear thesis statement.
Coherence
Work on linking ideas more smoothly and clearly between sentences and paragraphs to create a more coherent flow.
Conclusion
Conclude the essay by summarizing the main points and restating the thesis in light of the discussion, not by introducing new arguments.
Content
Be sure to answer both parts of the prompt thoroughly with equal development: the causes and the implications.
Examples
Use more specific examples and data to support your arguments, ensuring relevance to the prompt.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: