IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 4.5

Some people believe that it is best to accept a bad situation, such as an unsatisfactory job or shortage of money. Others argue that it is better to try and improve such situations. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion Give reason for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

#people #situation #job #shortage #money #situations #reason
People
 often argue that if they get into a bad
situation
, it is easy to admit the
problem
.
On the other hand
, some
people
 believe that it is
time
 to improve from the mistake. In general,
This
 essay will discuss both
view
Change to a plural noun
views
show examples
 and try to add some examples. Some
people
 have a principle to accept a bad
situation
 and do not think
to
Replace the word
too
show examples
 much about the
problem
 because it can waste
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
their
time
. If they have a
problem
, sometimes they do not have any idea how to solve it. Especially when they have a lot of
think
Correct your spelling
things
show examples
 that they should do, it can be more effective to do
another things
Replace the adjective
another thing
other things
show examples
.
For example
, there are some bad
rumour
Fix the agreement mistake
rumours
show examples
 about you, it can be difficult to clarify all of the
rumour
Fix the agreement mistake
rumours
show examples
. So, if you do not
want
Add the particle
want to
show examples
 waste your
time
, you will not care about the rumour and just let the
people
 see with their own
perspective
 about the issues.
However
, several
society
Change to a plural noun
societies
show examples
 have a different
perspective
 about facing the
problem
. They
also
 see a bad
situation
 as a
time
 to improve and try
others
Change noun form
others'
other's
show examples
solution
Fix the agreement mistake
solutions
show examples
. In
this
believe
Replace the word
belief
show examples
, they do not only solve the bad
situation
,
sometimes
Correct word choice
but sometimes
show examples
 they can get a better result than they expected.
For example
, if you have a bad score in
IELTS
Correct article usage
an IELTS
show examples
 test, you should see the solution how to increase the score and try again in the other moments. After you can do that, you
do
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
not only have a probability to achieve the goals
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 but
also
 will get a higher value than you expected. In my
perspective
,
i
Change the capitalization
I
show examples
 completely agree with
this
 view.
Because
Correct word choice
This
show examples
this
 mindset can make us
to
Change the verb form
apply
show examples
become better
person
Fix the agreement mistake
people
show examples
 and never give up. In conclusion,
these
Correct determiner usage
apply
show examples
both views have their own
perspective
such
 as
accept
Wrong verb form
accepting
show examples
bad
Correct article usage
a bad
show examples
situation
 can make your
live
Replace the word
life
show examples
 become easier and
avoiding
Wrong verb form
avoid
show examples
 waste of
time
while
 the other
believe
Change the verb form
believes
show examples
 that it is better to try and improve from the
problem
 can be a way to get a better result.
Submitted by adibah.r on

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task response
Ensure that you have a clear and concise thesis statement that directly addresses the prompt and outlines the structure of your essay.
task response
For higher marks in task achievement, elaborate more on your ideas and provide specific examples to illustrate your points.
coherence cohesion
Work on developing clear topic sentences for each paragraph and ensure they are directly related to the thesis statement.
coherence cohesion
Improve transitions between sentences and paragraphs for smoother flow and better cohesion.
coherence cohesion
Be careful with grammar and sentence structure to avoid ambiguity and confusion in your essay.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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